So, last night I was plagued by the same dream over and over that continued whether I awoke to use the bathroom, or read an email (yes, I do this - it is a habit formed in Kuwait in an attempt to keep up with people on the other side of the globe.)
I guess it wasn't so much the same dream over and over, but I kept picking right up where it left off no matter what. (And for the moment, I'd just like to know why THAT doesn't happen in that sexual dream I have with Antonio Banderas circa the Desperado years and look?? ) In this dream, I found out (days after the fact) that one of my friends had given birth, and had left the baby with me and some housemates (who I have never seen before this dream).
Apparently my friend had to go away on some business trip, the baby was just days old, and my housemates had taken her, put her in a little cradle in a small room that was like a closet and left her there. I found her one night when I went in to the closet to get something. And there she was....awake, beautiful, smiling at me....I was dumbfounded. I picked her up - she was soaking wet, but still smiling, and went out to ask where she came from and what the hell she was doing in the closet. The housemates said that a girlfriend of mine had left her and she'd be back in a few weeks. that was all I got for an explanation. I immediately went into "I don't need details, but this child needs her diaper changed and to be fed mode" and found one diaper in a bag that was left for her and changed her after giving her a bath in the kitchen sink. No other diapers or food or clothing or anything had been left for her. She never made a sound...she just looked at me with these bewilderingly beautiful eyes and smiled. She had little wisps of blond hair...so weird, it was so real. I just kept thinking, "why isn't she crying?"..."why isn't she sick?" "how has she survived all this time in that closet with no care?"
I asked my housemates again, how long had she been here? Two days, they said. I asked if they had fed her, changed her, anything? They said no. She was fine. Her mom would get her in a few weeks. (and where the hell was her mom???) I didn't know what the hell was wrong with these morons and was completely confused as to why the baby hadn't cried this whole time. And again, why she didn't seem to be starving to death.
So, I bundle her up in blankets and take her to the market to get diapers and baby formula and bottles. When I arrive, I find diapers, but there is no food. No formula. No milk of any kind. She's too young for regular food. Still, she doesn't seem hungry.
Somehow, as dreams don't always make sense in a timeline sense...and maybe during one of my waking bathroom breaks...I find myself needing to get to the airport with her. I have a flight already booked and have to travel, so she must go with me since I couldn't trust the housemates. I put her in a little bag/cradle of sorts that I can put over my shoulder, because that is all I had with me. (It actually looked like one of those cloth coolers from the outside" but was comfortable for her inside. (I didn't have one of those bjorn baby papoose things so don't judge me - it was a dream)....I get my luggage, passport, etc all ready for the airport...I take a bus of some sort to get there. People are asking questions about the baby and want to see her. they ooh and ahh over her and say that she is a miracle even though I haven't told them the story of her surival without food for days...She really is remarkable. Still hasn't made a sound. Just smiles... Some kind lady happens to have a bottle of milk handy and gives it to me and as I lean in to feed her, she falls fast asleep. I'm truly worried now as I know she hasn't eaten in days as noone has bothered to feed her. Mind you, she looks perfect. Pink skin, all dewy and chubby, healthy...
I arrive at the airport... get to the security line - take out my computer...take the baby cradle bag off my shoulder for a second, hand my passport to the security guy, reach down to pick up the baby - and SHE IS GONE. The bag is gone. The baby is gone. GONE. And then I lose my mind. I started to panic, to cry, to feel so distraught, that I woke myself up crying...thought about the dream for a bit...drank some water, went back to sleep and was right back in the airport trying to find the baby. trying to find someone who could help me. No one would. They kept telling me to get to the gate, or I would miss my flight. All I could think was that she was hungry and that she was in danger and that my friend, her mother, would be destroyed by the news that I had lost her baby. In the back of my mind in this dream was the memory that I had lost another baby another time in my life, but that it had been a stranger's baby and not a friends. In the "dream memory" that baby was never recovered and the family was decimated. And it was my fault.
(And no, this isn't symbolic for any miscarriage or abortion that I have had because I have never had either. I have also never lost a friend's child of any age...)
So, I wake up several more times, only to go back to sleep and pick right up where I was in the airport desperately looking for the baby and unable to find her. The rest of the dream I am running through the airport from office to office, security point to security point, describing the baby and the little cradle bag she was in...crying...terrified...and noone is affected. No one seems to have any sense of urgency about finding her. Or even writing down the description. They just patronize me and sort of brush me off because they are busy or because they don't see the importance of finding this baby. This seemed to go on for hours...and finally - I woke up (about an hour ago) to a phone alert for a text from a friend heading off to go play golf.
So - any guesses??? It's rather haunting. That dream. I have a few theories...and am working through them.
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