Soul spelunker...life coach in training...a woman in love with the whole wide world .
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
Ashtanga Dating and Relationships - Rules. (Repost from Myk Likhov)
10 Yoga-Inspired Rules for Dating
I've decided to get yogic on dating by applying the Niyamas (the yogic do’s) and the Yamas (the yogic don’ts) to the topic. This is a bit of an experiment, so I hope it works out.
A primer on the Yamas and Niyamas are that they’re “the ethical precepts set forth in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras as the first and second of the eight limbs of Raja Yoga.” That’s a fancy way of saying that they’re a bit like the Yogic Ten Commandments—and no matter how flexible you are, you’re not really a yogi if you don’t at least appear to follow them. To us, they’re now known as Patanjali’s 10 Rules of Dating:
Rule 1: Ahimsa (Non-violence)
Don’t hurt people. As in, try to not do harmful things to your partner…we get that. Of course, that’s easier said than done. A part of dating is getting REALLY emotional and making bad decisions, especially when we’re drunk. That’s why I say try. That’s as much commitment as I’m going to get from you.
Rule 2: Satya (Truthfulness)
Look, it’s pretty common not to tell the truth in the early stages of dating—we present ourselves in the best light and make ourselves appear more attractive than we often feel. That’s pretty standard, but as we begin to forge a bond with a partner, can I propose one deal-point for you and me to shake on? Here it is. It’s being truthful about the intentions we have for the relationship…where we want it to go. It’s not always simple or easy to pull off, but it might just be doable and it’s hugely important. Be honest about what you want. “I just want to keep it physical…”
Rule 3: Asteya (Non-stealing)
I heard about a guy who would often leaves a few dollars out on the table when he has a girl over, to see if she swipes the cash. But no, I don’t mean that kind of theft, although if you encounter it, you don't need Patanjali to tell you what to do. I actually mean don’t be an energy vampire, or suffer one. When you’re in a relationship, there ought to be an open exchange of ideas, time, and emotion that has some level of parity. If one person is taking everything, that’s a kind of theft, in my book. If you find yourself being that person, maybe it’s time to take a time-out.
Rule 4: Brahmacarya (Sexual responsibility)
This is always a popular topic in yoga teacher training. Give up WHAT?? Nahhhh, Patanjali wouldn’t do that to you (or would he?). In these rules, I’m translating the Sanskrit as a directive to contain your sexual energy, let’s say between two partners. The objective is not to let it drain out in meaningless directions, so you can use it for productive endeavors. That makes sense, right?? Just don’t be wasteful and spend your sexual energy on frivolous activities.
Rule 5: Aparigraha (Abstention from greed)
This one is kind of similar to the theft rule. Don’t simply take, or take more than you need, or hoard your energy. It’s never going to work if you do. A relationship is like your breath, if you take take take take, your face will turn red and you might explode. Giving is the corollary to taking, and is a part of the natural cycle.
Rule 6: Sauca (Cleanliness)
I have a rule in my life…I don’t let people with dirty feet into my clean white-carpeted house. You shouldn’t either. Keep it clean when you’re getting close to someone—don’t overwhelm them with all the crazy stories about your past, or your commitment phobias. And as you settle deeper into a relationship, consider not dragging home all the grime from the world into your private space. Sharing is a fundamental component of partnership, but loading your shit up on someone else is not ok, and it wont help you to build a healthy relationship.
Rule 7: Santosa (Contentment)
I live in Miami, and grew up in LA. These are tough markets for dating. There’s always a prettier girl and always some dude with a bigger boat. If you find yourself thinking about trading up, or how the grass is greener elsewhere, check in and see if this might be a fantasy you’ve built in your head. If you’re prone to many partners, this is a challenging rule to navigate. But itchiness and true dissatisfaction really are quite different from each other—the subtle practice is to distinguish between the two. I'm still working on this one.
Rule 8: Tapas (Discipline)
This is a one that we’ve all heard. Relationships require tons of hard work. And just like going to the gym, or working for years to graduate to the Second Series of Ashtanga, it is through the effort that we actually go deeper and become stronger. We'll all encounter problems and challenges, even with the right partner—so be prepared to do the work before you can achieve the next level of intimacy. No one said relationships are easy, and Patanjali is no exception.
Rule 9: Svadhyaya (Self-study)
Keep learning about yourself and growing. Spend time alone, read good books, do some kind of spiritual practice. If you don’t pursue your own interests and walk your own path, one day you’ll wake up and find yourself deeply dissatisfied (that’s a fact I just made up). This will not be good news for you or for your partner.
Rule 10: Isvara pranidhana (Surrender of the self)
If your desire is to forge a life bond with your partner, you will at some point have to surrender control, expectations, and that piece of your ego that says “Me/mine/I.” This is tough to call a rule, because it's kind of all or nothing, and I'm not a fan of black and white scenarios. Maybe I'll call it an aspiration. For sure though, if you hold back parts of yourself, you’ll never sink into that deep union that I know you want. I know you want it, because that’s what I want too.
How about that?? Patanjali doesn't mess around—he gets right into some deep but relevant issues. But now, I have a minor confession to make. I didn't actually get Patanjali's permission to quote him...he's been busy teaching at Kirpalu all week. These might be more like Patanjali-Inspired Rules on Dating, kind of like when you take an Anusara-Inspired class. It's almost as good as the real thing. Hope that's OK :)
Photo Credit: Shutterstock
Published March 11, 2012 at 8:30 AM
Saturday, October 27, 2012
sometimes, the wine glass isn't deep enough...
The depth of the wine glass is certainly not the issue, for certain. The issue is, the depth of the pain, the absence, the lost-ness and the path to figuring it out. And figuring out what it is I need to figure out. There are SO many things I need to discover, work on or maybe just let be.
If you've read this blog before, you know I am a searcher, a dreamer, a lover, a romantic of sorts...and you probably think (maybe) that I am all sunshine and roses...or if you know me better, you get that I pretend that this is the case....
The truth is....well, the truth is hard. The truth is dark. The truth is sometimes brutal. The truth is, that most of the time, I am quite simply just lost. Don't get me wrong. I believe everything I have told you and I feel with every cell in my body that love and forgiveness and peace and gratitude mixed with some childlike wonder and insatiable curiousity are the WAY. And I believe that yoga and meditation and doing good in the world will make that all the more attainable. Religion? God? No, thanks.
But, you must know I didn't arrive here in a magic pumpkin ready to take on the world and with all the answers in my back pocket. I would almost love if this were the case, but then, I wouldn't know anything - because it is the darkness and the unfortunate reality of a life which has given me the relentless and tenaciously optimistic love of it that I walk with every day.
The secret thing I struggle with and for whatever reason am choosing to share tonight...is that I don't have all the answers...I don't have any of the answers...(ok, so you already knew THAT, but work with me)...
When it comes to real relationships, real stuff...you know, the in person, in life, for real, day to day stuff...I don't have anything to actually provide proof of life that I know how to do it. I mean, I live in the middle east, alone, sans relationship, for crying out loud. No family, a few friends (over here, I mean)....and this supposed search that I am on. Well. Maybe I am missing out on what is important in life by merely avoiding it. Is that what I am doing? Some have said that to me. Some believe that. What anyone else says isn't important, but the reality of the question is important. IS that what I am doing? AM I avoiding actually living my life by living it in an alternate reality? I don't think so. I really don't. I hope not. But I do think that this time over here and the life I lead is very healing on a lot of levels. And I need a good portion of healing, it turns out.
Why? Why do I need such healing? What is different about me than anyone else? Am I too self indulgent - or is this in some way healthy? Do I care, what you think? Sure I do....won't change what I do utlimately...but I do care.
I realize that I have really yet to deal with, process, grieve or even properly think about my dad's death a month and a half ago. As well as many things I pretty much need to deal with that I have swept under the rug....I also realize that this is going to take a Tyrannosaurus size chunk out of my ass sooner or later if I don't deal with it. But how? How do I engage? I honestly have NO idea. I've spent my life without the outward love of either of my parents. If they felt or feel love for me, it was never conveyed nor translated to me, so for the life of me, I can't find the reference point.
But, I can tell you all with complete certainty that I felt and feel love for them. Often, in my life - I have questioned if I knew how to love or what love is - because they didn't necessarily teach me...but life has taught me and is teaching me. You, the people of this world, are teaching me. And it is true that I don't follow the religious beliefs that many have, but I still understand right and wrong and try my very best every day to live and love the truest and best life that I can. For me, the whole purpose is that we are all connected and we affect one another whether we intend to or not...and knowing that - I feel a responsibility, not on an obligatory level, but on a cellular level - that my purpose has to be a life that gives, or lightens, or connects and heals in some way. Otherwise, I keep my mouth shut.
So, what next? How do I get the grief to come? How do I figure out exactly how deeply I have buried it and exactly how to dig it out and give it some sunlight? It needs sunlight - and so do I. I'm guessing the only answer anyone might have for this is therapy. Ok, so what would a therapist say? How would THEY help me find the grief. What if I don't have any grief? Does that make me a monster?
I guess that is the question of the hour right now and just about all I have to say or give, but the wheels are turning...your thoughts and suggestions are welcome...
My plan at present is to keep living...keep my heart and mind and soul open and live in the light, practice my yoga- daily...meditate, love and forgive.... and if I don't figure out how to heal myself, then, well, I at least hope to try and figure out a way to help others heal themselves. We are all so hard on ourselves. I know this on such a personal and deep level. I bet you do, too. Maybe you don't give yourself permission to think about it often enough - or ever. I get that. But, sometimes, we need to be able to need. And right now, I am in a rare moment of needing to be able to need. Not "needy"....just wishing for a pair of strong arms and an unconditionally loving heart to enfold me and hold me for as long as is necessary? Too much to ask? Maybe...I guess that is why I have become so self sufficient and practiced at rescuing myself.
Want to know a secret? I really do just want to be held, sometimes. (like everybody else). And for someone to just tell me that it is going to be ok. My life may not be traditional and that may be by choice...but I am still flawfully human, and I'm cool with that. Still trying to work the rest out. I'll get there.
I said some time ago, I don't need someone to swim through shark infested waters for me...I just want someone to swim beside me, to play in the shallows and to navigate the darker depths with...maybe do the backstroke...laugh along the way...dream, share, explore and just do it all with absolute wonder and no judgment. You know...you be you, and I'll be me and that's enough....more than enough - it's the secret to everything.
Let's love each other - for free.
Love, light and healing - ya'll. Wisdom, comments, advice -always welcome. At the very, very least - thanks for reading. And indulging.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Do-overs? None for me, thanks!
I wasn't interested in boys without substance who were pretty and wanted to do nothing but party all night then - and I am far less than interested in them now. They have no idea who they are, where they are going, what moves them or makes their lives meaningful, they aren't trying to "become" and they certainly have no situational awareness about how to conduct themselves around a woman who actually values herself. (that is the sad state of the Abu Dhabi/Dubai/etc. dating pool - at least that i have encountered.)
This all sounds terribly jaded and judgmental and not at all what I want it to sound like, so I hope you will forgive and indulge me - especially if you have read me before. I will have a point, at some point. Stick around and we'll figure out what that is together...
Briefest history recap: 2006 married. 2009 divorced. (not my first marriage, as you all know, but it will be my last...not that I don't want a forever partnership...just don't need it to be a marriage) Dude was a poor choice to say the least. No need to bash him...I made the choice. My fault. Meh - ya live and learn, right? No regrets, because I cherish and treasure my Sam and my James. Previously known as stepsons and now known as friends. I think they are just marvelous and my life was made better for living with them and borrowing them for awhile. Gratitude.
Cut to 2011. Returned to US from Kuwait after a complete dry spell from dating...so consequently, dating became a mission of sorts. I had some pretty sweet adventures in Ft. Lauderdale. The Hamptons, NYC, Scotland, the Outer Banks of NC, even Lumberton (go figure!) - all lovely or at least interesting fellas, but not the right match (or timing or insert other cliche here)...and then there was some sort of micro-romance right before I left for the UAE with an old friend. We tried to make a go of the long distance thing...but truth be told (I don't really know what actually happened) I am assuming he had a little too much sadness or too many more oats to sow, but waiting to see me every couple of months wasn't his bag. I can understand that. It's a choice. Everything is.
A little introspection, a lot of yoga, travel to France, London, Portugal (for a couple of lifechanging yoga retreats), running in the sunshine, walking, writing, more and more self-discovery and here I am.
I swore off romance entirely while in the Middle East after seeing what the single world here looked like. It's either crazy Brit, Aussie, Irish, American, Filipino, Canadian, South African or Indian expats, who regardless of age - seem to think they are 18 year old boys who just got their driver's license and who have an uncle who can buy them beer. No. Fucking. Thank. You.
And during this time, I've also managed to be bullied by local fellas from all nationalities who tell me I am too uptight (simply because I either politely decline their invitations or deflect their advances) I mean, if I turn you down, there MUST be something WRONG with ME, right? <smiles> ....I sat through a mindnumbing date for drinks with a guy who did nothing but talk about how demonic his ex wife was and how she was poisoning his kids (this may well be true, but word to the wise fellas...see a therapist...don't bring that shit on a date....). I've talked to fellas in the US who wanted me to move to their town immediately in order to give them a go (um. no. thanks and no. why is it all about YOU?). I've had former lovers and boyfriends try to reengage in dialogue while they were clearly between liaisons with available women in their proximity who seemed to think it ok to try to invoke nostalgia in me, but weren't really interested in anything in the real world.
AND, I almost forgot!!! - a few days ago, I had a taxi driver interrogate me about whether I was here alone or with a husband or boyfriend. When he was satisfied I was on my own, he told me that having a boyfriend would be good, and that he had three wives and 11 children, and that he liked me. At least I've got that to fall back on. Wife #4 or concubine to the bizarro Pakistani cab driver. The stuff that dreams are made of. Blech...sigh....
I have managed to find some positive (ok, surreal and amazing) experiences during my wade in the dating pool while here as well, so don't worry - it's not all comic horror stories...I've managed to encounter profound and one of a kind, unrepeatable beauty, love, light, kindred spirit, real, no-shit magic. What will it be tomorrow? Will it be tomorrow? Who knows? Who cares? It is. That's enough. (actually it's not, but I am practicing acceptance. I need lots more practice. Sorry Universe. Patience and giving up are NOT my strong suits).
Unexpected manifestations of adventure and exploration seem to continually drop in my lap. Hints of the unexpected. Potential romance? Maybe to challenge me. To test my resolve. To provide me with choices? To show me there are alternate paths? To give me hope? To show me there are new items on the ever-evolving menu of love? I don't know and I don't care. Just flowing with the river...it's pretty here.
My "unconscious" recently told me to "Follow the Path of Possibility...the Magic of Maybe...the Glory of Go-For-It, the Joy of Just-Do-It...the Wisdom of "Why Not"...." which is pretty much how I live my life anyway. (I'd like to add the "Freedom of Fuck-It", which of late has become a personal mantra.)
But, and here's the good news or the point... while there's been some seemingly bottomless pain through the years, some ambivalence, some hastily made "logical" decisions that didn't serve me, endless lessons (some that I had to learn and relearn and may still be relearning...)...trial, error, trial, error, trial...you get the point....at the end of it all (YES, this is my obligatory kumbaya wrap up!!)
At the end of it all (and it isn't the end, it's only the beginning - I truly believe that)... if you ask me would I change anything? do anything over? do anything differently? undo anything? not do anything? - my answer would be "NO". I would go as far as to say "Hell No!"
I honestly wouldn't change anything. Not one ounce of pain. Not one agonizing puddle of tears. Not one repeated moment of weakness. Not one marriage. Not one childhood trauma. Not one heartbreak. Not one mistake, failure, loss, nothing. Because my life today? It is truly beyond anything I could have ever imagined growing up in small town North Carolina. Or during my college days. Or during any of my ventures into so called domestic bliss, or as a corporate cog in the wheel.
This life, this wanna-be-gypsy-nomadic-hippie-love-IS-my-religion-truth-seeking-inner-peace-craving-twin-flame-believing-somehow, someway-I wanna-make-a-difference-in-the-world existence of mine is quite simply taking-my-breath-away-beautiful every single day. And I am SO grateful for every heartbeat.
Sure, there's still pain, loss, disappointment, mistakes, probably some bad choices in my life...always will be. I'm human. But they are mine. I believe in living and loving with complete and total abandon and passion. And do you know what? I like that about me.
And you? I hope you make the choices that make your life richer, brighter, more beautiful. And that you never stop being curious and seeking, learning, exploring - yourself, others, the world, your heart. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Make your mistakes. Correct them. Learn from them. Make it a good day to die. Every day.
Love, people. Just love.
And do follow the Path of Possibility...the Magic of Maybe...the Glory of Go-For-It, the Joy of Just-Do-It...the Wisdom of "Why Not"...Frolic in the Freedom of Fuck It.... there's magic and love and untold discoveries in it for you. Do it!
Closing thought...Me? As the planet's least balanced yogini, I've been advised to "use the planet, then, to balance me." That's deep, dog...deep. (this theme to be explored in my next blog) --- now it's time to get ready for some kayaking, yoga, camping, yoga, kayaking...Arabic Holidays and 4 days weekends are the BEST, though this Eid will be noticably less romantic than last, it should still be beautiful with my yogi friends. And it will still involve time in a tent, so there's that...
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Gut? Logic? Chemicals? Magic? ---reblogging The Angry Therapistwww.theangrytherapist.com
My Gut vs Logic Answer
I recently posted a poll on How do you know if someone is “the one”? How much of it is gut and how much logic?
It seems like by the responses, which you can catch on my FB page, most gravitated toward gut. When I was in my twenties, I would have agreed. I was on Team When You Know, You Just Know. I even believed in love at first sight. I know. Crazy. Then I went through therapy school, a divorce, and thousands of hours coaching people with their relationships. I dissected dynamics, explored attraction tracks, and my views began to change. I began to see attraction as more of a science than a feeling. I came up with a theory called Predator / Pray. Here it is below.
CHEMISTRY IS PREDICTABLE
Ever wonder why you always end up with the same type of person? Not hair color or height, I’m talking about behavior, attitude, spirit. Take two people. A girl that had something taken away from her as a child. Maybe her voice, self esteem, or her entire childhood. Mom was too busy numbing herself with television. Dad seemed “perfect”, except for his iron fist. Or there was no dad, only boyfriends that came and gone with the seasons. This little girl spends a lot of time alone or outside playing with boys, aggressive boys. She picks flowers, climbs trees, walks everywhere barefeet. She is free except when she comes home to screaming parents. Or worse, silent parents. She turns inward, locks her emotions in a box, and she blames herself for her dysfunctional family. This is your prey.
Then you have a boy. There is addiction in his family. Maybe not his parents, but his grandparents or even further up the gene tree. Where ever it started, the addict was an adult child, low emotional intelligence and surrounded by enablers. Drug of choice? Sex, gambling, alcohol, food? It doesn’t matter. Biology and the generational transmission process allowed the addiction to be passed down from branch to branch. On a budding leaf way down by the trunk sits our boy, angry, confused, and ready to pay it forward. As an adult he is impatient and impulsive with low self control. He will have a Venti size ego and no concept of rules or consequences. He will ignore or abuse you. He will smell familiar. He will break your heart, his face, and become a raging addict. Or not. But either way, he carries the addiction gene. He is what woman call a “bad boy”. This is your predator.
Now put the prey and predator in a room full of “normal” people at a party and see what happens. They will find each other by the end of the night. Their attraction is instinctive, animalistic, and subconscious. Now we have the perfect ingredients for a delicious dysfunctional relationship. Give them children and the cycle repeats itself. Again and again. This is attraction in it’s simplest form. But what separates us from animals is our ability to be self aware, to change ourselves inside out, hence changing behavior, and ultimately who we are attracted to. At the same time, we should not deny raw chemistry. Besides, there are too many predators and prey in this world. No child enters adulthood unscarred and you can throw a quarter and hit an addict. It’s just the world we live in. Also, we can’t avoid who we are inherently drawn to. But what we can do is be aware of where we are in our growth process, and their growth process. Meaning, if you’ve started the process of healing and you meet someone who has no self awareness, use protection.
Where are you in your inner journey? Find someone on the same path.
Only that road is yellow and made of bricks.
I also no longer believed in “the one”. I believed in the 1,000. I didn’t see how there could only be one person for you on a planet housing billions. You’ll come across many suitors and pick one that is right for you, depending on where you’re at in your life and what you’re looking for.
Today, I have shifted again. I believe it’s due to me being single and dating. When I was in a relationship, it was easy to pull from my left brain because I wasn’t looking for love. It allowed me to put on my lab coat and detach my feelings. In this state, I could take the scientific approach and ignore that part of me that believed in destiny and meeting “the one” when you least expect it on an empty subway train in the middle of the night with donut crumbs on the corners of your mouth.
But when you’re dating, you’re looking for magic. And I think it’s this desire, even if it’s just a small glimmer, that keeps us scouring the sand with our little metal detector. Logic tells us Santa Claus doesn’t exist but it’s Christmas and we want to open presents and roast marshmellows. I think it’s when we’ve given up on this magic that love becomes a giant math equation or a lease agreement. And I think that’s when we compromise. Maybe that’s why right now, as I’m trying this in my living room in my boxer shorts, I believe love and attraction is greater than logic. It’s what makes it so powerful, the fact that we can’t explain it or figure it out. Yes, we all have ideas of who we want to be with and we try to hold onto that picture with two tight hands but when we meet someone who blows our knee high socks off, even if it makes absolutely no sense, logic always taps out. That is a choice. I allow it.
So Gut vs Logic. If I was to pick one, today I choose to go with gut. I am very well aware that gut doesn’t hold a relationship together. I understand that building a relationship is an entirely different engine, one that requires logic. But before I pull that card, I want to feel the lightning in the bottle, the magical wash, being blindsided, because without it, relationships can just be a giant negotiation.
- Angry
The Angry Therapist (John Kim) is a pretty interesting, centered, work-in-progress of an introspective guy who wants to help you (and himself) in relationships and life. Check out his website, his Facebook page, his YouTube videos...you are not likely to regret it. He's got an approachable style and reaches the dudes and dudettes who are interested and willing to listen. In other words, he's got stuff to say and it's worthy.
Oh, and I'll keep my belief in magic and wonder, thank you. I have learned beyond argument that no matter how much I grow up, how much wisdom I acquire, how much I believe I have evolved...when it comes to matters of the heart --- I am 17 again, and I trust that love really is the answer. I'm good with that.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Dear life...I love you~ you ARE the bees knees
“To love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held dear crumbles like burnt paper in your hands, your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you I will love you, again.” ― Ellen Bass
Yes life, I will take you, I will love you again and again. So grateful for this ride, this journey.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat thickening the air, heavy as water more fit for gills than lungs; when grief weights you like your own flesh only more of it, an obesity of grief, you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face between your palms, a plain face, no charming smile, no violet eyes, and you say, yes, I will take you I will love you, again.” ― Ellen Bass
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Keep your head up...
"I wonder why we take from our women. Why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think it’s time to kill for our women, time to heal our women, be real to our women. And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies, that make the babies. And since a man can’t make one. He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one. So will the real men get up, I know you’re fed up ladies, but keep your head up.”
- Tupac
So, yeah I might be suffering from a little writer's block or waiting to see what my next compelling inspiration will be (shhh, there is some inspiration aspiring...) but this motivates me and I was always a fan of Tupac.
All rap isn't bad...all rap isn't gangsta...for that matter, all gangsta isn't bad....just listen.
Rest in peace, poet man.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
remembering....
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood."Tom Robbins
or anything else for that matter....
Really.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
We Have Come to Be Danced...(from the stuff I wish I'd written file)
We Have Come To Be Danced
We have come to be danced
Not the pretty dance
Not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
But the claw our way back into the belly
Of the sacred, sensual animal dance
The unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
The holding the precious moment in the palms
Of our hands and feet dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
But the wring the sadness from our skin dance
The blow the chip off our shoulder dance.
The slap the apology from our posture dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the monkey see, monkey do dance
One two dance like you
One two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
Tearing scabs and scars open dance
The rub the rhythm raw against our soul dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the nice, invisible, self-conscious shuffle
But the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
Shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
The strip us from our casings, return our wings
Sharpen our claws and tongues dance
The shed dead cells and slip into
The luminous skin of love dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
But the meeting of the trinity, the body breath and beat dance
The shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
The mother may I?
Yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
The olly olly oxen free free free dance
The everyone can come to our heaven dance.
We have come to be danced
Where the kingdom’s collide
In the cathedral of flesh
To burn back into the light
To unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
To root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME.
by Jewel Mathieson
(October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jewel is a poet, dancer, artist, award winning story teller, internationally published poet - and a pretty amazing human from what I can tell. She's also a breast cancer survivor. And she's real.)
We have come to be danced
Not the pretty dance
Not the pretty pretty, pick me, pick me dance
But the claw our way back into the belly
Of the sacred, sensual animal dance
The unhinged, unplugged, cat is out of its box dance
The holding the precious moment in the palms
Of our hands and feet dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the jiffy booby, shake your booty for him dance
But the wring the sadness from our skin dance
The blow the chip off our shoulder dance.
The slap the apology from our posture dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the monkey see, monkey do dance
One two dance like you
One two three, dance like me dance
but the grave robber, tomb stalker
Tearing scabs and scars open dance
The rub the rhythm raw against our soul dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the nice, invisible, self-conscious shuffle
But the matted hair flying, voodoo mama
Shaman shakin’ ancient bones dance
The strip us from our casings, return our wings
Sharpen our claws and tongues dance
The shed dead cells and slip into
The luminous skin of love dance.
We have come to be danced
Not the hold our breath and wallow in the shallow end of the floor dance
But the meeting of the trinity, the body breath and beat dance
The shout hallelujah from the top of our thighs dance
The mother may I?
Yes you may take 10 giant leaps dance
The olly olly oxen free free free dance
The everyone can come to our heaven dance.
We have come to be danced
Where the kingdom’s collide
In the cathedral of flesh
To burn back into the light
To unravel, to play, to fly, to pray
To root in skin sanctuary
We have come to be danced
WE HAVE COME.
by Jewel Mathieson
(October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Jewel is a poet, dancer, artist, award winning story teller, internationally published poet - and a pretty amazing human from what I can tell. She's also a breast cancer survivor. And she's real.)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Inspired, as ever, by love this October morning...
I've never seen this before and watched it first thing this morning around 530...
A collaboration of beauty and magic and artistry all about the dance of life and love...by Salvador Dali and Walt Disney.
No kidding...Maybe I've been living under a rock to have not seen it yet, but wow! It's a short film, only about six and a half minutes.
Enjoy...be inspired...feel the dance in your soul as you lean in.
"Destino"
Saturday, October 6, 2012
what dreams may come...
To those who don't remember or didn't see the film, the nutshell version is that the movie was about death and rebirth, loss and grieving, love and soul mates, damnation and redemption, and ultimately reincarnation and finding your soul mate/twin flame/whichever you'd like to call it - again for another life of beauty and wonder. The couple's children had been killed in a car accident and this sent them both into despair and unspeakable pain which almost destroyed their marriage, but didn't. On the way home for a celebration for not divorcing, William's character dies in a car crash...and ascends to heaven but doesn't know he is dead. Sciorra's character tries to get through yet another tragic loss and then kills herself and descends to hell. Not because she killed herself and was damned, but because on the other side (in this movie)...people create their own heaven or hell. The state of mind Williams' character was in when he died was happy and hopeful and in love so his version of heaven is gloriously bright like a wet Monet painting that was done in psychedelically enhanced colors. Sciorra's character, Annie - is in a dark and twisted version of their home as she is in despair and doesn't even know who she is because that was how she felt when she killed herself. Cut to a lot of heartwrenching scenes and dialogue and discoveries and in the end they save each other...both ascend to heaven, are reunited with their children and then ask to be reincarnated together so they can go and live again. It's astonishingly beautiful - much more than my words can convey.
I remember thinking at that time about my father...and my relationship (or lack of one) with him and how much I wanted there to be some wonderful, magical, loving memory filled history for us that could never be... I think this had a lot to do with the sorrow...along with the stark and hollow realization that although I was married to my former lovely artist/surfer husband at the time, that I did not feel the "move heaven and earth" bond for him that Williams' and Sciorra's characters felt for each other I was unhappy and unaware why. I cried a lot. I was angry a lot. I was conflicted. I was pretty deeply involved in my own demon slaying in 1998, and so at times it was very, very dark. Dwelling on my childhood sorrows along with continuous regrets from decisions I had made along the way to take a career I didn't want because it was not my dream to be a catering director in the hotel business to my marriage to a man who seemed lost and unreachable...(I think I was the one who was lost and unreachable in retrospect.) did nothing but perpetuate what I saw as unsurmountable darkness.
From this time and for a few more years to come, I would continue to manifest my own darkness - because that is what I was focused on...I expected things to be shit and so they were. I blamed outside forces for my troubles. I blamed my younger self...my parents, my choice of college and degree, former decisions involving money, relationships, exercise, you name it....the path I took instead of the path I felt I should have taken...I blamed Scott for not being what I wanted him to be instead of accepting him for who he was....I tried to embrace my marriage, but I was always, always resisting. Resisting his family. Resisting acceptance. Resisting my life.
This is a death knell, so you know. For anyone else going through it- this can only end badly. Now, fast forward for a moment to the present and I am certain that we were not compatible and have no regrets about the divorce. And no real regrets at all because I learned so much about myself through that darkness at the time..things I NEEDED to learn, HAD to learn in order to get beyond it all. (though it would continue for many years through a third marriage to a man who introduced me to real darkness as I discovered new depths to my lifelong feelings of unworthiness which made me susceptible to the abuse, self doubt, self hate and general unhealthiness that relationship was wrought with from the start.)
But all of that eventually led me to the world of personal responsibility and light and healing and gratitude that I am so happy in now. (insert DEEP BREATH and great big squeal of glee here!!!).
So, the point of this post (there actually IS a point, believe it or not) is to remember how I found my way to living in a place of light. By knowing the dark. Becoming intimate with it. Immersing myself in it. And by continually observing myself in the situation and realizing at great long last that I could choose another path. That I could leave the darkness behind. That my very life depended on it. That I could find real happiness, real peace, and real love. Choice. I saw how my own thoughts and acceptances and choices gave the universe permission to continue giving me more of the same...despair, self-loathing, guilt, blame, shame, etc. because I thought I deserved it. I thought I was not worthy of the good things and that somehow - by accepting the darker things as my predetermined lot in life, that I was somehow martyring myself and hopefully atoning for some sin and could maybe get all the crap out of the way in this life to clear the way for something better in the next.
Bullshit, ya'll. Bullshit. Self induced martyrdom is nothing but self pity we try to color as a noble act of self sacrifice. It isn't. It's just self pity. And as I have said about fear and shame in the past...self pity is ALSO a motherfucker.
I have discovered that this is NOT how it works. Like the movie, I believe we are capable right here and and right now of creating our own Heaven or Hell on planet Earth. I believe we are all walking around in our own versions of what we believe we deserve and how we view the world and the people in it. Why do I believe this? Because I have done both. I have chosen both and know that it is entirely MY choice. I used to live in Hell and accepted it as some deserved punishment, thinking it would prepare me for some earned Heaven. Now? I live in a world of beauty and good and magic...full of discovery and simple pleasures...adventures, fun and sometimes a little romance - bucketloads of love and oodles of gratitude.
The romance, I am realizing, is with myself and I accept that it is within my power and choices to romance myself the way I see fit. We really do have to love ourselves before anyone else can love us. You all probably already get that and are rolling your eyes at my thematic repetition, but I am willing to bet that there are plenty out there who may be really great at putting on a brave face, but who live with a lot of self doubt which consequently leads to self sabotage. Stop....now. You can. You're worthy. Believe it.
Lately, I have fallen off the wagon of self love and gratitude...and have found myself thinking and choosing self pity and doubt and I've seen my inner light turn quickly to dark almost over night. I tell you this because it is important that you realize that though I talk all the time about my kumbaya-peace-love and yoga existence, that it really is that way only because and when I choose it. And I have to take responsibility for that as well as for the downslide I am experiencing now. No, scratch that... I'm not experiencing it. I am creating it. And THAT, my friends - is bullshit. I'm also revealing it to you, so you can hold me accountable. So YOU can call bullshit if I don't turn it around. If I don't practice what I preach, so to speak. But I will. And I am. Today. Starting right now. I accept my role in whatever shape my life takes and in whatever state of mind I find myself. I alone am responsible. (And so are you...not for my state of mind, of course...but your own...you know what I mean...)
Sure, it's been a little tough of late....the theme has been loss and grief...the death of my father, the death of my childhood fantasy of having a relationship with him...the inevitable patterns of behavior and thoughts that can arise when being faced with places and people that are associated with those darker times...I'm reminded how very, very good I was at self sabotage. And it scares the hell out of me, because I do not want to go back there and I do not want to subject anyone else to that version of me.
But the long and the short of it is that loss is subjective. And grief can be healing or it can be destructive. Again, the choice is ours. Mine. Yours. Everyone's. Nothing is permanent and death WILL come for all of us. We may never be ready for it, but as a beautiful spirit I know says "every day should be a good day to die". (I think that should be a topic for another blog.) If we believe that with all of our being and live our lives as if each day could be our last and walk in love and gratitude and acceptance of whatever comes...then every day WILL be a good day to die...and what could be better or more worthy of the beautiful gift of life that we have before us?
It's a great big glorious world, people. And there are some beautiful souls walking amongst us...some living a light and shiny life that inspires others, and others who are waiting and needing to be inspired. Inspire them. Inspire yourselves. Inspire me. Healing starts within. And when we heal ourselves...we heal others...and when we heal others, we can heal the world. (and, no - I am not channeling a Michael Jackson song and am more than a little perturbed that just jumped into my mind....but I digress, as I am so good at digression...)
SO! Thanks for listening, reading, indulging....it's time for me to put my "big girl pants" back on and leave them on. Life is beautiful. And I am so thankful for all that I have seen and been able to experience. So thankful for love, and forgiveness, and being. It is enough.
Whether there is an afterlife or not, a celestial heaven or no, more lifetimes to be had....I know that I only get ONE shot at this life. At this existence. In THIS world. And it is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.
Let's act foolish and dance around in the moonlight banging on a drum and dancing by the fire and talk about esoteric things and love, peace and happiness. What's the point, otherwise?
Love, light and gratitude - friends. Make it a good day to die.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
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