Synchronicity...not just a Police album...

"Don’t dismiss the synchronicity of what is happening right now finding its way to your life at just this moment. There are no coincidences in the universe, only convergences of Will, Intent, and Experience. "

Neale Donald Walsch

Sing instead...or more stuff I wish I'd written...

"He who sings frightens away his ills."
~ Miguel de Cervantes

In reply to the question, 'What is the best that people can possess, what brings them truest happiness, what is the sweetest of the sweet, and what is the pleasantest life to live?' the Buddha answered: 'Trust is the best that people can possess; following the way brings happiness; truth is the sweetest of the sweet; and the practice of insight is the pleasantest way to live.' ~Sutta Nipata

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We all know this at our soul-core level...sometimes we just have to remember to remember...and I believe with all of my being that it is so very worth remembering.

Love, people...just love.

Revolution...it starts within

"You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Freedom. Is. Primary.
Love. Is. Primary.
The art of living is underdeveloped....

Live.
Love.
Free yourselves. (what did Bob Marley say?..."Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery...none but ourselves can free our minds...)

Let's start a movement...right now.  You. Me. The people across the street.  The taxi driver. The guy on the corner. The woman behind the veil. The child on the swing. That person you need to say hello to.  That relationship you need to let go of. Our dreams. Our hopes. Our fears.  Our energy. Our love. Let's start a movement. And let's not stop. Not ever. We can create an energy vortex and field of vibration that will move mountains. Change lives. Heal souls. Yield beauty. Bring about love only dreamed of...It's possible, you know? So what are any of us waiting for?

Let's channel every ounce of everything we have into the courage to open ourselves up, to tell fear it's time to hit the road!...To bravely love ourselves and everyone in the world because of the very simple and undeniable fact that we are all connected.  To consider kindness when we find ourselves frustrated...to know compassion and empathy when we just want to blow up at that person who pushes our buttons...to think twice and maybe a dozen times before every interaction with a child because everything we do is a blueprint to them for how to live, how to be, how to love, how to follow our dreams, how to become human, to make mistakes, to grow, to bounce back from failure, to be kind to others, how to forgive themselves...to forgive others...how to live - really, truly live...and think....and breathe...and play....and engage in the world, interact with it.  Get to know it.  LOVE it. Laugh in it.  Cry in it. Pursue every passion as if their/our lives depended on it (because I believe it does). Show the little ones how to follow their curiousity and to not accept mediocrity even if it seems like the noble path.  It isn't. Teach them not to judge. By not judging. Teach them acceptance. By accepting.  Teach them tolerance.  By tolerating. Teach them adventure.  By adventuring.  Teach them that fear is normal, natural...not weak.  Teach them that the only way to overcome our fears, is to face them. Teach them that it's ok to break.  But also teach them how to give themselves time and space to heal. Love them. Discipline them. Listen to them.  Hug them. Correct them. Feed them and teach them to feed themselves.  As you do all of this....you'll teach yourself too.  You'll grow. You'll heal.  You'll reflect, and magnify what is most important.  Love.

Let's show strangers how to dance.  Let's teach those who have never heard music to sing.  By singing them our songs. Our songs of joy, of love, of soul wrenching sorrow, of wishes, of desire, of broken hearts...Sing them.  Sing your truth.  Sing to heal yourself.  Sing to feel.  Sing to live.

And for fucksake...let's remind each other that life isn't about political parties...it isn't about hate...it isn't about choosing sides...it isn't about outdoing someone else...it isn't about retreating into our own souls and hiding from the world...it isn't about protecting ourselves from getting hurt. 

Get hurt.  Bleed.  Feel. Love. Laugh. Cry. Yell. Scream. Lose. Fall. Soar. Be. Seriously, just fucking BE. No one else is going to do it for you.
Inspire. Dream. Love. Breathe....Lather, rinse, repeat.  <ahhhhhhh, doesn't that feel gooooood?>

Make it count. It isn't selfish. It's sanity.

...And it spreads wonder and beauty to everyone around you. There's a lot of madness out there these days...but also so much beauty. More than maybe you remember.  Whichever and whatever you or I choose to feed is what will manifest itself in our lives.  Hold yourself.  Hug yourself. Tell yourself it is all going to be ok. (It is). Love yourself. (you deserve it).Forgive yourself. (it's time)... And then step out onto the corners of the world and dance right on the edge. The view is beautiful from the edge.  Otherworldly.

I see it in you.  I know it's there. I know it's hard and that it is oh, so scary.  DO IT ANYWAY. But, don't do it for me.  Don't do it for someone else.  Don't do it unless you feel something stir and move within you when you read this...but if you do feel something...if you are moved...if stirred, then I'll share a secret with you....It is so much more beautiful and electric than you EVER imagined. And this whole living, loving, embracing your joy, forgiving yourself thing that I keep clammoring on about? (that IS what I am talking about....) well, let's just say you'll be amazed at the smile that attaches itself to your heart and the way that same smile breathes life into others...It is healing.  And you ARE worthy of it. The world is worthy of it.  We have the power to heal it.  I want to heal it.  Join me?

I'll see you there on the peaceful battlefield.
Love, people.  Just. Love.

this little blog post is a work in progress...I'm forgiving myself and allowing myself to come back and edit often...

I honor your path
I drink from your well
I bring an UNPROTECTED heart to our meeting place
I hold no cherished outcome
I will not negotiate by witholding
...

I am not subject to disappointment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ancient druid vow of friendship

Looking for the magic answer? There is none.

....the answer is within...or, (please forgive my love of quotes once again).. as Richard from Texas said to Liz in Eat, Pray, Love..."The meditation room is within, Groceries. Decorate that."

There's no particular magic to it...but then again, it is ALL magic, if viewed with a little childlike wonder and hope.  I've honestly no desire to see it any other way.  Like a starlit swim in phosphorescent waters.  Magic is surprise, wonder, and a genuine full on love and appreciation for whatever happens.

In the immortal words of a man I wish I knew, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

~Henry David Thoreau

But, really....it IS within. Everything.  All the answers you need.  All the love that you desire.  All the validation that you require.  All that you seek.  All that you've hoped for, dreamed of, wished for, agonized about....it is all within you.  You may just have to rearrange your expectations about these things.  And by rearrange, I mean - DROP them...the expectations.  Go with the flow of life and the river that feeds it.  Alternately, Be the Mountain.  I am reminding myself of this daily.  Sometimes many times in the same day.  Just because you change your mindset and start seeing the world in a VASTLY different light, doesn't mean that you have all the answers or the keys to the palace, so to speak....it just means you become aware and conscious enough of your own shortcomings to own up to them with great (and sometimes alarming) regularity.  Practice makes perfect, right? Rrrrrright.

But seriously, it's true.

We are all part of the same big, beautiful universe and our energy is constantly vibrating and moving within us and reaching out to connect with others. We just live our lives with blinders on...self medicating, self flagellating, and doing all we can to avoid actually feeling and seeing and knowing and loving the things we fear embracing because of the possibility of failure or rejection. I'm here to tell you that this does not serve us.  But, you'll have to figure this out on your own.  No lesson or truth can be shoved down your throat, but a certain openness to hearing it when it comes knocking is a nice start. Wanna change your life? Open yourself up to exploration and the freedom of saying yes.

I've recently discovered a well of "yes's" within me.  This well overflows with love, beauty, desire, understanding, hope, melancholy (only sometimes), direction, truth, energy, acceptance and gratitude. Yes, gratitude and choice are constant themes with this soul. As is love. I've also discovered what Love actually is.  And what it's not.

It isn't a song.  It isn't butterflies and anticipation. It is NOT possession. It is also NOT control. It isn't a mindblowing orgasm (mind you, I'm not disrespecting the big O.  I'm a deeply reverent fan).  But it's not thunderbolts and it isn't something you prove.  It isn't a march down the aisle.  It isn't an expression.  It isn't a diamond, a trinket, a bauble, or a toy. It isn't a bargaining or manipulation tool...Nor is it codependence, judgment, responsibility, obligation, obsession, ownership, validation...It's not a cliche, it's not conditional and it is most certainly isn't a weapon. 

It is simple and it is primary. It is letting go. It is jumping off a cliff with the total trust that everything really WILL be alright. Come what may. Composed of nature, energy, giving, gratitude, reflection, peace and a certain knowing. It is filled with good intention. It is you. It is me. It is God. It is freedom. It is pure. It is magic. It is without fear. It's a hike through an unknown and unexplored canyon whose journey reveals that every ounce of your being is connected and to be regarded with awe....it is oh so preciously rare, yet is available to us in great abundance if we choose to embrace it...and above all, love is without agenda, a timeline or a list of counter-requirements...It. Is. Enough.

"Love risks everything, and asks for nothing." (Rumi)

This may or may not resonate with you. You have your truth.  I have my own.  This is mine.  And, it really IS enough.

Namaste, all you beautiful beings of light and love. With epic buckets of gratitude from me to the universe.

I kneel at the altar of aiding and abetting...

                                                                   love, Cricket

You are here to risk your heart....(and it's going to be ok)

I take no credit for this whatsoever as it is a quote and is lifted from another blog, one of my favorites....

www.elephantjournal.com  ....

but it speaks to me, resonates with me, vibrates in me and looks, smells, sounds, feels and tastes like truth - to me.

Enjoy.

“Life will break you.


Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning.

You have to love.

You have to feel.

It is the reason you are here on earth.

You are here to risk your heart.

You are here to be swallowed up.

And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.

Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

~ Louise Erdich, The Painted Drum

Geez, Louise, that is beautiful, raw, real and alive and I couldn't agree more.  I have developed within me, a most uncanny resilient heart.  I now run full throttle (cautiously) into hope, love, possibility - knowing full well that I may find myself heartbroken at any moment and quite frankly...I. Do. Not. Care.

The ride, the experience, the taste, the chance to know an exquisite person even a little is worth any amount of afterglow heartache that may arise.

Thanks be to the universe and whatever other magic works to make all this nonsense make total sense.

Peace, love and namaste...

the trouble with this whole soul bearing, total honesty thing is...

that you/I learn some very specific and potentially difficult to swallow truths about yourself/myself that it's almost certain you/I need to learn...but does anyone else? (No idea why I am "second personing" this simultaneously with the first person since I am only able to speak about me.)

...sharing yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, your dreams, your past, your hopes, your fears, your faults, experiences, fantasies, time, body, a meal, a conversation, a walk, a dance, a run, a mountain climb, a memory, secrets, a glass of wine, a bottle of wine, a song, (deeeeeep inhale)....your s o u l ....is pretty. fucking. scary.

It's like pulling back a scab and finding pure, immeasurable, likely misguided, born again innocence underneath and choosing to unwrap it, expose it, set it on fire...and then offering it up to whatever may happen.  Good, bad, or ambiguous.

And can I tell you a secret? It took a long time to get here, and I am only interested in living my truth. The raw, real, unadulterated, pure, unrefined, this is who I am, truth.

deeeeeeep exhale.

It's a little something I like to call life. Drinking it in and loving every. single. drop.

In-spiration, manifesting, and gratitude - again and again.

I am ever astounded by the seemingly simple occurrence that the more I live my truth and passions and the more I love and fall in love again with this beautiful world.... the more life and love and beauty seem to magically arrive on my doorstep. And for that, again and again and again I am utterly beside myself with gratitude.  Sometimes, like now, it seems to have slipped into overdrive. I'd like to reach out and embrace the universe and the journey with my literal arms and just say "Wow". I am in awe.

I think gratitude must be a key element.  It just MUST be.  I've seen it and lived it (and its opposite) enough to know it as an intangible, unquantifiable truth.  So, maybe it could be said that I have faith in it.  In gratitude. Also, acceptance (of whatever comes). Enthusiastic abandon (with whatever I/you/we embark upon).  Recognizing choice and the power to change a path that isn't serving you (or me). Making time for Meditation (whether that means a walk, a run, yoga, chanting, time in nature, and any mindful activity that serves to heal ourselves or others). That sort of healing is always twofold at the very least and I'm certain it spills over into the rest of the cosmos as well. The world needs so much of that healing spillage, now more than ever it seems. So the more we can do for each other and the more we can love each other, the more we can help one another and not expect something in return - the more peace can prevail. I read a Maya Angelou quote this morning that struck me with it's obvious simplicity and truth and saddened me as I know too many have hardened their hearts or are so cynical that they can't realize it. 

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.”

The opposite side of the coin is unfortunately, that hate grows and spreads and manifests just as quickly and with just as much energy.  The choice really is ours.  Yours.  Mine.  It isn't about kumbayaing your way through everything and it isn't about being in denial that some things in the world just suck. They do.  It's not all "peace, love and new agey hippy stuff".  And it certainly isn't about socialism or Dems vs. Repubs or Have's vs. Have Nots.  Your side. My side.  Their side.  Nationalism.  Religious extremism. Dogmatizing everything.  No. Really, NO!

But it IS about making a conscience choice in every situation possible to breathe through it.  To rise above it.  To greet it and change it if possible and necessary.  To accept it and not take it personally if that is the only option.  I would go so far as to say it is our responsibility as members of the human race to stop being sheep and thinking we can't make a difference and remember, REMEMBER that we are the only one's who can.

I awoke inspired a few days ago.  (Come to think of it, I awoke inspired today and literally buzzing with the lingering connection of peaceful, loving energy - another story for another time.)

The inspiration I speak of came this past week after a lecture I was privileged to be present for on "Tolerance and Compassion in Islam". Because my mind does not capture everything photographcially, I regret that I cannot recount it all for you with beautiful clarity or talking points to share it with you as meaningfully and eloquently as the speakers and the message deserve.  But my passionate wish this morning (and every morning) is that each of you and everyone you know could have been with me at that lecture. 
The collective sentiment? It wasn't about religion, per se.  It wasn't about worshipping a God, gods, belief or disbelief.  It was about compassion. And love.  Understanding. Context. Investigation and INSPIRATION.  "God is subtle.  Dig deeper.  Look inside the matter". 

A message to live your life using the "golden rule" and instead of making enemies of those you don't know and have never talked or listened to - - get to know them, talk with them, see them as human, love them openly and with wonder and curiousity. Accept them as different, yet still beautiful. Travel. See the world and it's people. Learn about them. Love them. Embrace them. Respectfully give each other space to be. Don't hate them.  Don't take their words out of context.  Don't take a one liner from the Koran or the Bible or anything and make it into a vehicle for hate or to spread fear or dogma or agendas for power, enslavement, chaos, catastrophy...ugh! It's monstrous how we manage to do this on a worldwide scale.

As a beautiful friend from the same puddle of soul paraphrased it: "in every yesterday, we've become who we are today, and in today through our ACTIONS, not our words, we become who we will be tomorrow...and each of us has the light of God in us. IS God. No matter how unpromising we may be on the outside."  Beautiful. Simple. Truth. I tend to think so many upsided down actions come from our collective buy-in that we are "unpromising" on the outside and therefore nothing can be done or changed. It just isn't true, folks.  Every single second is an opening for light. For love. For action...

Love, people.  Just love...

Each moment is a choice.  Each action is a choice.  Each reaction is a choice. Each recognition of a wrong to be righted gives us a choice.  Action or inaction.  Love or hate.  Peace or war. Self-righteous anger or the possibility of trying to understand instead. Each act of taking responsibility for ourselves and for each other - choice. My personal recognition is that I want to be a catalyst for some kind of good.  Some message of hope.  Some form of inspiration. And I realize, at the end of the day, that the only person I can control and that I can change is me.  So, if I can leave YOU with any message at all, it is this.  You are no different than me.  You can choose love, and light, and healing...compassion, understanding. It's a worthy cause. Maybe it is the only cause.  And though we can each only change ourselves, if we understand that we are all connected - - we can inspire ourselves and each other to manifest more of all that is good and light in our lives.

(Since I cannot begin to do justice to the messages from the abovementioned lecture, I can at least provide you with the names of the speakers so that you may seek them out on your own if you are curious to know more.) 

In order, they were:

• Iman Khalid Latif. (@KLatif on Twitter). Incredible story teller. The first Imam at NYU in 2005 and at Princeton University in 2006. "His work aims to foster dialogue with people of other faiths in order to clarify misconceptions and encourage mutual education."  I do believe he is the man for the job. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HUsqo09nng
• Lesley Hazleton. (@accidentaltheo on Twitter). Deeply engaging with a smokey voice and a most intelligently respectful manner, she introduced herself as an "Agnostic Jew". British born and now living in Seattle...She is writing what I believe will be a beautiful and enlightening book called "The First Muslim", a new look at the life of Muhammad (PBH). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y2Or0LlO6g
• Karen Armstrong. (@KarenAnchorite on Twitter). A former nun who has written two books about the experience:  "Through the Narrow Gate" about her 7 years in the convent, and "The Spiritual Staircase", about her subsequent spiritual awakening.  She won a 2008 TED Prize which gave her the privilege of a WISH.  Her wish was to assemble the Charter for Compassion, a document around which leaders can work together for peace. She's basically bringing the Golden Rule back. #thegoldenruleisthenewblack :) - that's an original, ya'll.  You can quote me... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJMm4RAwVLo

It was my honor and indeed my privilege to have attended this lecture and to have heard each of you speak. And I have a deepening well of gratitude for a beautiful blues aspiring, nature loving, universe-curious, healing, creative, visionary and deep, deep soul who invited me to share. A gift. I am transformed.  And inspired.

Here's to life, moonlight, forgiveness, love, yoga and whatever happens...

So, it kind of goes without saying that I am on some sort of journey, right? I dig that.  I'm embracing it and loving most steps of the way.  I will tell you plainly and honestly now that I have absolutely NO idea what the journey is about, where it is headed, or what I am hoping for in an outcome.  Because really, I don't. 

When I first went to Kuwait, it was for adventure and escape...from the marriage forged in deceit, eggshell walking and nothing short of daily bizarreness.  When I left Kuwait, I did so with a song in my heart and a purpose and with renewed vitality and this feeling that I had somehow overcome the world and myself and my ego and my psyche and "watch out world, here I come."

Let me tell you how that worked out. (Fairly well, for the most part...complete with new lessons to learn and old lessons to remember.)

I arrived home in February of 2011.  I had a great job already arranged to work from home.  Home was with my amazing clan in Williamsburg. Can't begin to tell you how lucky I am to have them in my life and to be a part of theirs.  But.  I remained restless.  Maybe it was the time in the desert of Kuwait and the long days and weeks and the lack of any real outside stimulation that led me to begin cross country adventures upon my return.  My goal was solid.  I had a work from home job...I would do it and do it well and I travel and work from wherever I am.   Quite simply because I could.  And I did. 

I met a series of interesting post divorce male friends. (Post MY divorce, that is.)  That kitesurfing guy with the sailboat and anger issues...the professor-man writing a few books who introduced me to Scotland and the beautiful people I met there. The entrepeneur friend who cooks a mean sticky salmon and has a nice hurricane haven down in NC.  The man who as luck would have it, lived nearby enough, but the timing just seemed to be off with...but he and his wit, intelligence, lovable nerdiness and the undeniable connection felt during a long and platonic weekend in the OBX still leave me smiling and wondering.

Cut to wonderful weeklong visits with girlfriends....Kimba in NJ and all of her wonderful friends....Vikki in Kansas City and a wonderful, insightful time was had.  A few solo trips to the Outer Banks and Ocracoke Island.  A few to Corolla and a most needed and beautiful respite from the madness of trying to date in my 40's.  Long bike rides with Holly, more long bike rides with Holly and Mary...attempting to long distance train with Lori, Holly and Mary...(mm, hmm - a fitness theme here that led to an injury.  Don't overdo it folks...)  Beautiful nights on the deck with Letty and Christine and hubbies...cooking with Kate...movies with Abby and Jake and friends, neverending smiles and laughs with Izzy. It was a beautiful and wonderful time between Middle East gigs.

In short, I would not trade my time for anything.  And while it may sound like the backdrop for an incredible romance or two, it wasn't.  Or, maybe it was.  The beginning of a real romance with myself.  Someone I realized had been neglected for a long time and the lovely time spent with everyone further helped me to realize that I was the one who needed to romance me.  I was the one who needed me.  I was the one who needed my love and my acceptance and my forgiveness. 

After this realization, I walked away feeling relatively cocksure of myself and knowing without any doubt that I could take on anything...that I was fully actualized as a human being and whatever happened next was going to be fucking phenomenal.

Sooooo, you know what happens when we get that cocksure of ourselves...when we feel that indestructible and like NOTHING can fuck with us? Yeah, things fuck with us.  Not as some twisted fate vs. your ego come to teach you a lesson type thing....but more of a gentle reminder of who you are, what is what and to approach things with  a tad more humility and to remember .... let me say this LOUDER - to REMEMBER who we are and what we are doing here and what we want.  Who  I am.  What I am doing here and what I want.  Dig? Yeah.  It sucks for a bit, but it gets better.  So much better....

You may remember this romance thing I had with an old friend that I thought was the be all, end all.  You may also recall that it failed miserably.  And that he walked away without so much as a "it's not you, it's me".  It was,  I mean...flat on your face, teenage angsty miserableness.   How embarrasing at 44.  You'd think it would get easier.  You'd think the butterflies and nerves would go away and that somehow the senses would get honed and you'd basically have this beautiful zen approach to everything that couldn't go wrong because, you're golden, right? (for the sake of readability here, when I  say "you", I do mean moi.)  Silly, still haven't apparently learned a damn thing, moi.  That was the lesson he gave me.  To remember what I had forgotten and to remember to appreciate the me that I am and to not shapeshift to make myself into something I didn't want to be. I needed to remember it.  I needed to remember my purpose.  And my purpose is simply to go and see and be and experience what feeds me and makes my heart sing.  Not what someone else needs me to do or be.  Gratitude.  That's where I live.  It's pretty here. Join me?

And all of that is ok.  I can't be knocked down for too long.  Because I know a secret that a lot of people don't or won't accept.  I know all about change.  And acceptance.  And forgiveness. (Mostly of ourselves.  we are really the only ones we need to forgive, you know?)  It's true. (I've had lots of practice...expecting more...oh boy~)

And beyond all of that, I know about choice.  CHOICE.  You have heard me say it before.  Choice.  You, me, him, her, them, we, us....all pronouns----we have a choice.  A choice for anything.  A choice for happiness.   A choice for embracing life as a big magical wonder or seeing it as shit.  A choice for teaching our children to truly be better than us...better than others...not judgmental.  A choice to live out our hell on earth or our bliss....if you haven't been paying attention, I don't buy into the religion or afterlife dogma.  Maybe our energy recycles and we are reborn again and again...that makes sense to me...but that other stuff.  No thanks.  Not for me.  That is a topic for another blog, I'm sure.  (It is whatever you CHOOSE to believe it is, by the way.  Life.  The world.  Your circumstances.  Your state of mind.  Happiness. Love. Hate. Sadness.  Conspiracy.  Whatever....if that is lost on you...experiment with it.  What have you got to lose?  That is pretty much how I arrived at the knowledge that choice is everything.  Trial and error.  Starts and restarts.  Blame and remorse. Self battery and redemption. I figured out that my attitude and intention towards any given situation gave it life and that it could be light or dark. Definite turning point, that.

I now know and accept responsibility for all the good and the plentiful bad choices I have made in life.  And I know they were all on me. And I'm willing to shake my hand and let bygones be bygones for the misbegotten hope and wishes I had that led me to my own (temporary) downfall...and to my ultimate salvation. 

And with everything that has happened in my world...good, bad, ambiguous.....my life has remained phenomenal.  And gained in beauty and quite frankly, never ceases to amaze me.  In the past 8 months alone, I have taken another job in the Middle East, met some amazing expats from all over the world, as well as many emiratis who love their country with a pride that is inspiring....reconnected with old friends, lost a few friends, traveled to Park City for skiing, Tampa for misguided - albeit needing to be resolved ideals about love and romance, the South of France, where I met amazing people, drank incredible wine and plan to return soonest!...a yoga farm in Portugal, where I discovered that yoga was always a part of me and that it would, could and may continue to save my life...London - where I rediscovered rain, beauty, history and that people are not always what you think they are, but they are what they ARE....and that is perfectly as it should be.  Another two weeks in Portugal at the same aforementioned yoga farm where I was able to deepen my yoga practice, spend time with friends made before and discover new and beautiful friends, most of which I do not doubt will last a lifetime.  Things get pretty real at the yoga farm.  It isn't a fancy retreat that many of you have imagined it to be.  Not a luxury destination or a shopper's delight.  I have often laughed a bit at your descriptions to me of what you thought I must be up to in Portugal. If you only knew.  It was so, so, SO much more.    There are people that I have met there who have given me gifts I would never, ever have received otherwise.  Many of you, I have thanked or mentioned already.  A few others, I have not.  Indulge me for a moment, if you will....

Saskia.  You are a beautiful, shining ray of light whose voice I carry around with me in my head almost as much as Peter and Sue's.  Perhaps all that vipassana deepened and enabled your voice to travel on different wavelengths.  Whatever the cause, I am beyond grateful to have met you and to have spent time.  I've missed you every day since you left a few Wednesday's back.  Nice way to get out of the Primary Series!!! :) 

And Lynn from bonnie Scotland, who lives in Lisboa and designs our homes...you are amazing and one of the easiest to be around, gentlest, loveliest souls I have met.  More and more gratitude. 

Erika, you beautiful, ridiculously young yet wise for your age and curious spirit!!!! I hope you will go and see the world and continue to bask in its wonder and don't let other people define what you should be or do.  The rest of us have done that many times over.  Carve out your own way in the world.  For all of us - and most of all, and most importantly - for yourself. 

Isabella, I know I have paid you tribute many times.  You honor me simply with your friendship and your ear.  And with the gentle touch you approach the land, the food, and every soul you encounter.  It is humbling to know you.

Peter and Sue.  I love you both. Big time.  And on so many levels.  I don't even know how to put it into words adequately.  You've changed my life.  I know it is sort of your "thing" out there, but I don't know if you realize that you actually do REACH us and ever so slightly (or profoundly) change us and challenge us to change ourselves and show us a world that is more beautiful than we might have ever imagined.  The practice with both of you is something I miss each day...and hope to return to soonest! 

And Kitt, you are the most! Great big loving hugs and gratitude to Kitt who has helped me set it all straight and get the life I want on course.  Love and light, lady.  Love and light. 

Guy you ridiculously good looking  young cynic, you! I have no doubt you are molding young minds admirably and in a way that would do us all proud - and passing on critical thinking skills that are so absent today.  Keep on with what you have going on, it works!!  Be careful in rocky bathrooms with hard surfaces, late at night, though.  They can be a bitch :).

Ceri, you are hilarious and the quintessential English curmudgeon with an excess of intelligence and penchant for big words, cynicism and the biggest helping of naivete that you are simply contagious to be around.  I will dedicate some practices to you and send warm loving light in hopes that you will find that woman to help make that dilapidated, 120 year old, unfurnished victorian house of yours into a home filled with love and warmth and laughter. 

Iris - your ability to cut to the chase, see every situation with light and literally sleep anywhere, even with flies biting you - is beyond admirable. 

Agnes and Kati - I hope your travels together after the yoga farm were amazing, revealing and inspiring! I'm so happy to have met you and hope very much to see you both again.

Yoga isn't about resort life and amenities.  It isn't about being perfect.  It isn't about being the most athletic.  It is about being.  Breathing.  Reflecting.  Accepting.  Fucking up.  and then getting up and doing it all over again, AGAIN - because you know you are worth it and life is worth it and THIS is what the journey is all about. 

Lucky.  I am.  Happy to be on this planet.  I am.  Honored and humbled every day by the experiences and friendships life gives me.  I am beholden to you, Life.  Truly, Deeply, Madly. Thank you.

Let's round out this story with that thing I feel the most - gratitude.  Why, just last night, I had the opportunity to spend unexpected quality time with a MOST disarmingly beautiful and real human being in the moonlight talking, laughing, learning, inquiring, dining, wondering eerily why noone else was around in such a beautiful place on such a beautiful night.  Surreal.  And yes, there were some hints of romance in the air...some wonder...some happy butterflies...curiousity and some mystery and loads of beauty and "unexpected take your breath away" moments.  In short, it was a top, top night.  Amazing.  Beautiful.  At 44, I am beyond thrilled to know that can still happen.  And I arrived today with something far more precious... 

No expectations. No angst. No wondering what is next. Total gratitude for what it was.  TOTAL. (and how!!!) Whatever happens next, is what happens next.  And THAT is a gift.

The understanding and the realization that all that shit I say (or preach?) all the time is actually real.  Choice.  Loving yourself.  Myself. Ourselves. Whatever.  Forgiving ourselves. All of us. Owning it.  And being ok with it, come what may. 

I truly believe we are all put here on this planet to help and love and serve each other in some way.  And I'm beside myself with excitement to be a part of it all.  (I'm reminded of the line from Desperado where Antonio Banderas' character says to Salma Hayek's character in the hospital....)

him "Carolina?" 

her "yes?"

him " Did I thank you?"

her "No."

him "I will."

If you read all of this and are still with me it is resonating on some level, that makes it all worthwhile.  To anyone else scratching their head and asking themselves "what the hell is she talking about"? Thanks for reading...I hope it makes a little sense someday, because to me, it is simply the art of being human.  I'm happy to share the journey.

Love and light to you all~