I'm a shaman?

Recently...I told a friend I was a shaman...or he told me I was a shaman...or we told each other, I'm not really sure anymore.

I came to this realization as I was reading course material for the life coach course/journey I am getting ready to embark upon. I've always been drawn to some sort of healing profession and as a child, thought I wanted to be a doctor.  This desire dissolved when my grades in chemistry did not indicate that I would be safe for other human beings in that capacity.  In retrospect, i think I would have done quite well in the anatomy and more advanced classes, so maybe it wouldn't have been so bad after all as long as I wasn't going into pharmacy or anaesthesiology....but that sort of medicine doesn't interest me anymore, so it is just as well.

All things healing attract me...reiki, yoga, massage, mindful eating, meditation, laughter, travel, quiet, sharing, gratitude, charity, love...you get the gist.  So as I am reading Martha Beck's books...and she is talking about meeting shamans, wayfinders, menders - essentially those who are born healers, I realize how deeply this resonates with me.  How very natural a concept it seems to me and how I must have known this all along, even if only subconsciously....my whole life has been leading me to this truth.

Then, I feel all tingly and special.  Unique.  Gifted.  Amazing.  Super-hero like.  I knew it!!!  I've found my destiny! At last....big sigh of joy and relief!!!!

Then, I think...I bet anyone reading this book could make these same parallels and could think they are a shaman.  Funny. Everyone can't be a shaman.  Everyone can't be special and unique like me. Can they?

Then I realize...deep inhale....that they can.  And they are.  That you are.  He is. She is. We are.  All of us.  We are all shamans.  We are all healers.  We are all connected.  We are all one.  We may be at different stages on our personal journeys, but we all have the capacity to connect, to touch, to love, to heal, to bring peace. 

We alternately all have the capacity to wound, to neglect, to harm, to burn, to wage war.  (Let's not)

We will not all realize this in our lifetimes. But there does seem to be an awakening of sorts going on in the world, or maybe I am just seeking out these types of people and experiences.  Either way...I wish you all gratitude and healing on your journeys, an open mind, and an open heart. Belief in the power of magic and the realization that magic just means love...and love just means connection - to everything...to everyone...and that everything is beautiful.  and everything and everyone IS magic.

Monkey mind...let go. L e t. G o.

"The ego is a monkey catapulting though the jungle.

Totally fascinated by the realm of the senses, it swings

from one desire to the next, one self-centered idea to the next.

If you threaten it, it actually fears for its life.

Let this monkey go.

Let the senses go.

Let desires go.

Let conflicts go.

Let ideas go.

Let the fiction of life and death go.

Just remain in the center, watching.

And then forget that you are there. "

--Lao Tzu

Relationships make us real...? Yeah, they do. Really.

Repost from Elephant Journal by Rebecca Lammersen January 18, 2013


You Make Me Real.


I really like being alone.

I wouldn’t call myself a loner, but sometimes I like it a little too much—I bathe in my aloneness until I’m forced to get out of the tub.

Everything is easier when it’s just me. I don’t have to answer to anyone.

I walk around the house naked, and I don’t think twice when I engage in ‘bad naked’ activities (as Seinfeld would say). I mix foods that should never go together, and eat them in bed while watching any ‘boring’ documentary I want to, without having to battle for viewing rights. When my girls are with their dad, I don’t have to worry about mediating sisterly feuds, or waking up a couple times a night to re-tuck them into bed.

Life is easier when I’m solo, but then I always find myself teetering on the precipice where my aloneness falls into loneliness. I laugh at the one funny line in the documentary and glance next to me, wishing to see another smile reflecting back, or I eat a new food creation which surprises my taste buds, and there is no one there to give a validating bite of approval. I wake at 2 a.m. ready to jump out of bed to pull the tie dyed embroidered blanket over my daughter, only to realize she is not home this evening.

There is an absence, a tugging sadness and a longing to be acknowledged, to acknowledge, to be needed, to need, to be wanted and to want. These feelings are a reminder—I am here for more than just me. In these moments, I recognize I love being alone, but I love being with people more—together.

The relationships in my life revive my consciousness. I feel more, I listen more—I awaken. This realization is the force that gets me out of my solitary bathtub.

We all need relationships in our lives. They remind us to love, as we experience the pains and struggles of life. The connection of love is our proof we are alive; we are here.

Relationships are the ultimate pinch to the skin of life.

When we are born, our first relationship welcomes us into the world, “I’m so happy you are here.”

We now exist.

We need a witness to our lives—another we can turn to, who nods his or her head as the star shoots across the sky and agrees, “I saw that too.”

We exist.

As we take our last breath, someone is there to hold our hand and reminds us, “I will miss you.”

We existed.

We are on this earth to be witnesses, to be witnessed and to say to one another, “I’m so happy you are here. I saw that too. I will miss you.”

~ Rebecca Lammersen



Rebecca Lammersen is the founder of Yogalution, a donation based yoga studio in Scottsdale, AZ. I love being alive. I love being a mother. I love teaching yoga. I love to write. I love to know. I love to not know. I love to learn. I love to listen. I love to read. I love to travel. I love to dance. I love to help. I love to serve. That pretty much sums me up. Subscribe to Rebecca's feed and never miss a post!

What do I do when strength does not overcome need...

...when wisdom and zen do not supercede the overwhelming fact of life that no matter how zen I am, no matter how I simplify and uncomplicate my life, no matter how much I meditate, that no matter how I define myself - that once in a great while - I am going to fuck it up...say the wrong thing...let the wrong thing I am saying snowball till I feel like an insane person and ultimately un-zen myself for a little while because I may be concentrating too much on being that image of the enlightened-wishful-being that I have truly felt like for days, weeks, months, even a few years on end. 

This is what I struggle with.  Amongst so many other things.... when do I take care of myself?  When do I not only realize in blog-paper format that I am worthy of something as beautiful as the beauty and wonder of the world and love I believe in, but when do I give myself permission to feel...to let go...to express...to shout if I need to...to at least say - goddammit, I am angry and it might be nice if I were able to share that in some way that may at the very least be cathartic and at the best, be healing and give me some sort of ability to move forward. To grow. To share. To help others grow.

Yet. I. Don't. 

Instead....I falter.  I hesitate.  I bury.  I avoid.  I project.  I run.  I smile on the dopamine high from having my soul lifted for a few sweet moments and then I say anything and everything to avoid saying what I really need to say. 

I wish.
I hope.

I save my unreasonably heartbreaking tears for when I get home and can beat myself up until I can't stand up anymore.   Every. Day.

Why?  Why do I do this? Because I don't think I'm worthy?  Because I don't think anyone will understand? Because I don't think anyone will care? Because I don't know how to do it differently? Because I want to be the shining, zen-like example that makes me worthy of the pedestal that you have placed me on? 

Well....I am human.  Fallible.  Mistake-prone.  Surprised when my defenses go up and I act like the very enemy that I know I can be, but that does not exist deep in my soul or my heart. I fuck up.  And then, I self hate.  And then....well then I am either fucked for a while or I find a way to dig out and rise above.  It is anyone's guess which way it will go each time. 

Admittedly, I usually do find a way to dig out and learn and rise and find some glorious lesson in it all, but jesus...sometimes I am honestly just fucking sick of the lessons and I just want to BE...and I just want to love, and be loved. To understand and be understood.  To get and to be gotten.  I just want everything to be ok.

I know I am not alone and we all do this...fight or flight...even if there is no actual threat...the only thing that is required is the perception that the danger exists.  Yet, sometimes it is very real.  And that is where I am at this moment.  In a very real...fight or flight...wish to god someone gave a green goddam...trying my best not to be a tool and re-center and ground myself back into the understanding that we are all love...we are all connected...we are all stardust...and in the big scheme of things, we don't really matter - and THAT is what makes us matter so much.  Our life. Fleeting and over so quickly.  Our love.  So deeply and profoundly felt and experienced.  Our joy. Our pain.  Our peace.  Our chaos. Pain, sorrow, laughter, anger, jealousies, stupidities, regrets, can't take backs, wish I hadn't's and soul altering moments of total understanding and bliss. Yeah, I want more of that.  Doesn't really seem like what our heroine in this tale is destined for, does it?  Yeah, I just referred to myself as the heroine. I am.  So are you.  Or the hero.  Of your own life. 

So, this must be that really shitty, low, rock bottom, end of my senses point that makes way for the turning point that will usher in some new, raw and earthshakingly beautiful and revealing new experience....right? Cool.  I figured as much, so I will just be patient and wait it out. (fingers crossed till they bleed...)

While I wait, I will remember gratitude and how very much of a "lucky somebody" I am and will walk around with an open heart and practice my yoga and up my meditation game and make peace wtih my struggles - A G A I N....and trust and really, just know that in the end it will all be ok.  Because it will. 

But sometimes...I really wish I could summon the courage, seize the opportunity, ask for or be granted the time to share what my soul wants to share, sometimes.  And needs to.  And to just DO it, because I should, and I can, and what I have to say matters and that I am worthy of my needed expression regardless of whether it is convenient.

So, I suppose the struggle continues.  Yep.  It does.

I'm learning. Growing. Wishing. Loving. Loving. Learning. and still Loving. Trying to tame the wishes and move into acceptance.  Surrender.  Flow - going-withness.  Yeah...that. 

Well, wish me luck...I think I could use it. 

Wanna help us build an orphanage in India? Here's how...

A curious thing happens when the collective energies of yoga, love and service come together. What starts as a means of doing something good for the body, leads to making peace with the mind and the ego which in turn causes the spirit to blossom and grow.  This is where the magic happens and this is where a magical journey has started that we'd like to invite you to be a part of. 

For a little over a year, a group of souls has been coming together to practice yoga in a beautiful park in Abu Dhabi on Wednesday nights.  The classes are free, but attending yogis are invited to share donations in any amount they can afford to benefit children in orphanages in India.  When the classes and charity yoga began, we had never met the children in these balasramams in that small village in Kerala, God's Own Country, as the people there call it. That all changed in December of 2012, when 9 women from the charity yoga class flew to India to personally deliver clothes, toys, and the collected money to these 3 very special orphanages.
Two were homes for boys and one for girls. 

It's the story of the girl's orphanage that we want to share with you and invite you to help us literally change their lives.  When we arrived, we were surprised to learn that adoptions are not allowed from these  orphanages and to see that the children were in very good health.  We all had images of Oliver Twist in our heads which thankfully was not correct. I wish I could replay the experience for you on a movie screen, but words will have to do.  And pictures. 

We were treated as honored guests in their home as they served us cookies and coconut water while each girl introduced herself by name and what year of school she was attending.  They ranged from around 6 years old to 20. They sang lovely songs to us and danced and played games with us for hours as they melted our hearts with their beautiful smiles and eagerness to interact and share. We were beyond thrilled when the oldest girl, Vidja, helped teach a short yoga class just before we had to go.  She was amazing and looks after the girls with a mother's love and apparently leads them in yoga every day. 

I'm not even sure they knew we were there for any reason except to spend time with them and that was enough and brought joy to their faces.  When we gave them a substantial sum of money at the end, around 50,000 rupees, they were astonished and beyond grateful.  I think they felt like they needed to give us something as well, and couldn't realize that they had given us more than we could ever give them.  Before we left, one of the young volunteers from the town and a few of the elders drove with us out to the site of a new orphanage/home they are building. Or were building. Someone had donated funds to build the new facillity to replace the temporary rental home they live in now. But they had run out of money and couldn't complete what would eventually be a two story home with room for all of them and the capacity to take in more girls in need. 

It was at this moment that all 9 of us who had made the journey realized that WE could help them finish building this orphanage and literally change their lives and the lives of many others in the future by giving them a home of their own where they would continue to be cared for and nourished by the wonderful people who look after them, cook for them and make sure they have school, rest, exercise and spiritual time each day.

So, our mission continues - with our Wednesday night charity yoga in the park and an anticipated visit there again this December.  We want to see them again to be sure they know someone cares and to raise more money to finish building their home. The generous souls who attend the Abu Dhabi yoga events are amazing, but can only do so much.  This is where we invite you to help us make a real difference in the lives of these beautiful young girls.  We've taken to calling them Kerala Sweethearts.  And they really are.

It's as easy as clicking a PayPal button and donating direct to the fund.  If you don't have a PayPal account, it's secure and simple to set up. We encourage you to give $5, $50, $500 whatever amount you wish and to share the site with as many people as you know.  Please share it with your own yoga communities, your churches, your schools, your office mates, families, friends, neighbors.  And if you'd like to come with us to deliver the money and see the amazing joy and beauty of these girls yourselves, you are invited and we will get you the details when it's time. 

As we drove away on that sunny day in December, our hearts were full and our eyes heavy with tears.  Seeing those girls waving goodbye, we felt like we were leaving our own children behind.  And we were.  Because we are all connected.  We are all love.  We are all one.  And Kerala's orphans are our children.  The realization that we can genuinely and tangibly change their lives for the better is overwhelming and we are committed to making it happen.  Please join us in love and gratitude and with the power of the positive energy that can give these 20 Kerala sweethearts a home of their own.  And a home for future sweethearts to call their own.

Namaste~




Link for PayPal donations to help build a new home for the Kerala Sweethearts.
http://www.anaadiyoga.com/apps/donations/


Give if you can.  Share when you can.  Love where you can.  Infinite gratitude~

Dig THIS...#Andrea Gibson

 

I'm with Andrea on this one...it's the only way I know and while it isn't always easy, it is always interesting and is constantly amazing.
 

I’m never gonna wait

that extra twenty minutes

to text you back,

and I’m never gonna play

hard to get

when I know your life

has been hard enough already.

When we all know everyone’s life

has been hard enough already

it’s hard to watch

the game we make of love,

like everyone’s playing checkers

with their scars,

saying checkmate

whenever they get out

without a broken heart.

Just to be clear

I don’t want to get out

without a broken heart.

I intend to leave this life

so shattered

there’s gonna have to be

a thousand separate heavens

for all of my flying parts.

 

-Andrea Gibson

(poet, activist, and apparently one kick-ass, passionate believer in love and life)

 

Live. Just live.

Fear vs Love. Choose love.