Because, you can't really KNOW if it is actually a love type thing, or if it is a hormone and chemical overdose trick that your body plays on you to entice you to mate. Is that what it really all boils down to? We meet someone, the chemistry is right, our bodies and minds and perceptions go haywire so that we can procreate and perpetuate the species?
In the name of all that is beautiful and pure, I really, really hope not.
It's certainly effective, yes....but does it really all come down to a few chemicals being overloaded into your hypothalmus in order to lull you and dull your senses just enough to get you to behave like you have completely lost all capacity for reason and logic? I think the answer is yes, sometimes. Or maybe yes, all the times in the beginning. I am reluctant to reduce the pulls of the heart's deepest longings down to science. (no offense to you science lovers out there.) Biology is cool, as are physics and chemistry and astronomy. But they aren't love.
And of course, this beginning LOVE I speak of is of the truest early stage kind, which is the "being in love" stage...which is not yet the long term, committed love type thing....but it is the fun part. That long term, "real" thing may or may not find its way into your heart and soul. That only happens if you are truly lucky. And more importantly, if you are open to it and know how to nurture and care for it, or are at least willing to learn how. The real love is work. Although, I have heard it is worth it, so I do have a soulful hope to find out someday.
Yet, ohhhhhh - being in love is the dreamy part...the magical part...You remember? The endless nights talking about anything and everything and nothing and feeling like you just folded time or solved the mysteries of the universe. The world and everything in it becomes beautiful and you suddenly want to befriend homeless people, give them all your money or take them to lunch and just SHARE what you have found because it is so amazing and so great and you just KNOW if you tell them about it that it will change their life. Right. Yes, how obnoxious are the newly in love... (and yes, I want exactly that brand of obnoxiousness too.)
You're sorry for those who don't really get what you are feeling because you know - you KNOW that you have discovered the very secret that noone should ever have to live without and that is that love is the answer...love is all you need....love conquers all....love paints the world with giant strokes from the brush of god with colors the likes of which mere mortals have only dreamt of and Michaelangelo, Botticelli, and Van Gogh are in awe of. (I know it's a cheesey metaphor, but the subject matter calls for it, yes?)
In short, you're a little bit (or a lot) annoying to your friends and anyone that has to listen to you chatter endlessly about the object of your affection. Oh what a drag you are...but an oblivious and happy drag, so you're none the wiser. You only know about this side when one of your friends falls in love and does that endless chattery thing to you all the time till you start making up excuses for why you can't talk or go to lunch with them anymore. When you are on the "in love" side of the equation, nothing can break your buzz, except maybe sudden withdrawal of the object of your affection from your life...then holy camel dung - that's when extreme patheticness ensues. (another topic, some other time...or hopefully not.)
So, in all of this...self exploration and discovery and dipping of my toes in the proverbial ocean of dating and love (thank you for the phrase Tina M)...I am reminded that the secret formula for sustained happiness and peace and success and the elusive overall sense of well being is, in fact, (drum roll please....) Love. Confound it all - it just is... And being able to trust and give and remain open and to discuss misunderstandings and disagreements and idiosyncrasies and still come out in favor of each other on the other side are all essential and primary. Primary. Not just romantic love...all kinds of love. Love for yourself...love of your family...love for a neighbor, a people, a cause, a friend, a kindred spirit, a colleague. It sure as hell trumps hate and dickishness and selfishness and mockery any day of the week.
I remember it well, the "in love" stuff...I recall feeling it in 5th grade (puppy love) and again in college...not really again since. Mind you, I have seen snippets that imitated it, but they were always swept back under the carpet at the first sign of conflict or misunderstanding, or carried with them the traits of codependence and fear of betrayal and hurts... the product of having to relive your last relationship's mistakes because you hadn't dealt with them yet. I think that's what they refer to as baggage. Ugh. The horror.
But yes, it comes down to wanting to be genuinely accepted and desired by another human being. Loved and cared for and someone to rely upon who relies upon you... shared experiences and interests and exploration of each other's worlds to discover amazing new worlds you may have never been interested in before. Oh, you knew they were there...you just didn't picture yourself in them...then all of a sudden, gee - whiz - bang - you find yourself sitting at the edge of a stairway that leads to the top of the universe, holding your breath and wondering how you will find the time to fit it all in and to experience everything you are now capable of. Yes, you can now do ANYTHING. Love gives you superpowers too, didn't you know that? You did...maybe you just forgot. We always forget. I think we have to remember to remember.
This post feels a bit unfinished and perhaps I will revisit...but in keeping with the spirit of the theme of the woman on the journey who went to hell and back in marriage and then to Kuwait for some nice healing time (mission accomplished) --- I dream of a love that is filled with quiet acceptance and wonder and respect mixed with excitement and discovery. Understanding. Forgiveness. And light. (and um, matching appetites for passion.)
So, Universe, if you're listening...
That is all.
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