August light...

Have you ever noticed exactly how very beautiful August light is? Do you have any idea what I mean when I say "August light"? I'm certain I am not the one to discover it, but I first noticed it as a young barefoot girl walking around my dry, sandspur studded yard in southern North Carolina listening for the sounds of birds, getting lost in the flight of dragonflies, picking wildflowers, and dreaming of the day when I could grow up and travel and see the world. 

I've always had an affinity for August...the end of summer merging into fall...new beginnings around the corner with a new school year...the deepest, darkest greens appearing on the leaves all around just before they start to burn in brilliant bursts of yellow, orange, red... sigh...

But there is something about the exact tilt of the earth and how it sun dances across the world in August.  I've seen it in Costa Rica, North America, Europe and in the Middle East - so I've got to believe there really is something special about August light. It glows with a more subtle gold than the relentless July sun.  August light is beautiful and sorrowful at the same time.  It is full of promise and bittersweetness for things you can't even name.  I'm not talking about the nostalgia of back to school blues, no more beach time, no more backyard barbecues, no more carefree weekend drives to nowhere...(because when you grow up and realize you have the power of choice, you still do these things and get to experience them all in a more sublime and beautiful way).  I mean, the beach is great in the early throes of summer - but a sunset in the Outer Banks or the Outer Hebrides or Oman in the late August or early September is pretty hard to beat.

August light brings magic with it...and brings it with purpose and intent. Why, this very August in fact, I was in the exact right place at exactly the right time in the presence of the exact right energy that seemed conjured up by the Universe herself. As Augusts go, this was one for the books.

You've heard me mention my whole deal with gratitude, right? I know, broken record....as broken records go - we could all do worse, so indulge me? Thanks. So back to gratitude. I'll tell you, because you may want to have your own little gratitude experiment to see what it brings you....

Gratitude. Is. Life. Love. Everything. THE. THING.

Living and walking in gratitude and maintaining this passionate love affair with the great big world has done more for me than I could ever begin to tell you. (but you know I'm gonna give it the old college try, right?)

I dig rolling this way...wish ya'll would roll with me. Maybe we'd stop watching reality TV and invading each other's countries and demeaning anyone who disagrees with us and would pay attention to what we feed our bodies, our minds, our children, our hearts, our souls, OUR PLANET. She's been so good to us...she just loves us, it's so time to love her back. And ourselves. And our bodies, our minds, our children (ok that's a given - -so make it our metaphorical children...let's say our progeny 1000 years from now), our hearts, our souls. I know I sound all "shiny, happy, people" and like the biggest hippie peace freak, but WHAT matters more than loving each other? And loving ourselves? And loving our planet? I can't imagine.  Not for the life of me, I can't.

I wish we could let our fears of the great unknown go and that we could collectively summon the courage to think for ourselves and not worry about disappointing our parents or looking weird to our friends and could just drop all the bullshit and wrap our arms around each other and get to know our neighbors on this planet. That's my completely bastardized version of the "I Have a Dream Speech". (Don't worry, I'm not quitting my day job any time soon.  Not yet, anyway.)

The last several paragraphs are all complete digression, because what I came to talk to you about is August light - and gratitude and love. (yes, again - geez stop rolling your eyes...there's something to be said for all this Namaste and shit, believe it or not!!)

Honestly, I can't pretend to know what your journey is about or where you are going or what is important to you.  It's taken me quite a while to figure out what mine is all about and it's obviously still a work in progress because - well, it IS a journey, right? Rigggght. And what a journey it is! And now that I have embraced it and sown it into my DNA, it is still scary sometimes.  (Scary in an oxymoronic peaceful and loving way, of course, but still scary in all the regular ways as well.)

As idealistic and idyllic as it sounds, I really do just want us all to live in peace and harmony and to take care of one another, and to help each other and love each other and for everyone to see and feel the beauty that I see in every face I look upon, and the overwhelming love I have for this world and the people who inhabit it.

And no, my life isn't perfect.  Far from it. I make LOTS of mistakes - I've perfected that into an art form.  I am quite certain I offend people on a regular basis with my outspokenness, I don't have a lot of possessions (but then I don't want them). I have my share of debts along with a bulging pocketful of failed relationships/marriages, (or wisdom picked up on the journey), no children of my own, (but I have the most amazing children in my life ~ Abby, Izzy, Jake, Maddie, Cooper, Annabelle, JJ, Jordan & Ashton - I know you girls aren't children anymore....STOP GROWING UP! :) ), an apartment that lacks many of the comforts of home (but it's free), an aging visage, I'm 7500 miles away from the majority of the people I love (but you are all with me everywhere I go), and I gave up on the corporate ladder climbing rat race some years ago (and I couldn't be more delighted about that, mind you!)  I could go on and talk about my gray hair and my cellulite and my childhood - but why? It doesn't serve me. And it doesn't matter.

Do you want to know what else? I have NEVER been happier in my life. Ever. And I don't have a magic formula for you - remember, there ISN'T one...but I can tell you this. And I want you to lean in and listen close because this is the truest truth I have ever known.  If you love, I mean truly LOVE the world with all of your being and walk in that same love and gratitude and treat others with kindness and can manage to live without too many expectations and just accept whatever comes your way and know that everything that happens to you is a chance and an opportunity to grow and learn and yes, love - THE WORLD WILL LOVE YOU BACK. And come what may, everything WILL be ok.

This isn't about being docile or complacent or not fighting for what you know to be right or standing up for what you believe in when necessary....it's about choosing to put on those rose colored glasses and just leaving them on for the simple fact that everything is more beautiful when you wear them.  And when you dwell in a positive place of love and beauty - then more of that comes your way. Alternately, when you dwell in negativity and distrust and hate, well, naturally more of that comes your way too.  And given that you have a choice....come on - you do know that you have a choice by now, don't you?  Ahem...so given that you have a choice, I think it would be kind of marvelous if you'd give that whole shiny, happy, hippie, peace, love and namaste shit a chance.

I suppose if you have to get nitpicky, then John Lennon's version was a bit easier on the ears..."All we are saying...is give peace a chance..."

And as for August light...that IS where this whole blog started...let me just say that this August put the color in August light. If you wonder what gratitude can bring you...I can tell you what it brought me.  Besides peace, stillness, and healing, it gave me a magical full moon night on a secluded middle eastern beach, a transformative evening learning about tolerance in Islam from deeply inspirational speakers, a surreal sunset in the desert enveloped in silence (and the occasional stomach gurgle), a sweat-drenched run on a Formula 1 racetrack, blissful yoga in the park, breathtaking hikes up a mountain and through a canyon, a starlight swim in surpringly phosphorescent waters, a night under the stars engaged in chakra blowing healing rituals and conversations, enchanting and entertaining dinners in deserted restaurants, shamanic dreams, a beautifully bittersweet sunset drive home from Oman singing, laughing, being, enjoying...and the discovery of my soul in another's soul and another's soul in mine. And so much more. That's what gratitude gave me. And I'm not finished, not by a long shot.  Why not find out what gratitude will give you?

Yeah, August light...it's the haps. September light ain't bad either...grab some and drink it in.

This is August light on my favorite running trail in Jamestown Island, VA. (August 2011)
Big sigh...

Synchronicity...not just a Police album...

"Don’t dismiss the synchronicity of what is happening right now finding its way to your life at just this moment. There are no coincidences in the universe, only convergences of Will, Intent, and Experience. "

Neale Donald Walsch

Sing instead...or more stuff I wish I'd written...

"He who sings frightens away his ills."
~ Miguel de Cervantes

In reply to the question, 'What is the best that people can possess, what brings them truest happiness, what is the sweetest of the sweet, and what is the pleasantest life to live?' the Buddha answered: 'Trust is the best that people can possess; following the way brings happiness; truth is the sweetest of the sweet; and the practice of insight is the pleasantest way to live.' ~Sutta Nipata

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We all know this at our soul-core level...sometimes we just have to remember to remember...and I believe with all of my being that it is so very worth remembering.

Love, people...just love.

Revolution...it starts within

"You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Freedom. Is. Primary.
Love. Is. Primary.
The art of living is underdeveloped....

Live.
Love.
Free yourselves. (what did Bob Marley say?..."Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery...none but ourselves can free our minds...)

Let's start a movement...right now.  You. Me. The people across the street.  The taxi driver. The guy on the corner. The woman behind the veil. The child on the swing. That person you need to say hello to.  That relationship you need to let go of. Our dreams. Our hopes. Our fears.  Our energy. Our love. Let's start a movement. And let's not stop. Not ever. We can create an energy vortex and field of vibration that will move mountains. Change lives. Heal souls. Yield beauty. Bring about love only dreamed of...It's possible, you know? So what are any of us waiting for?

Let's channel every ounce of everything we have into the courage to open ourselves up, to tell fear it's time to hit the road!...To bravely love ourselves and everyone in the world because of the very simple and undeniable fact that we are all connected.  To consider kindness when we find ourselves frustrated...to know compassion and empathy when we just want to blow up at that person who pushes our buttons...to think twice and maybe a dozen times before every interaction with a child because everything we do is a blueprint to them for how to live, how to be, how to love, how to follow our dreams, how to become human, to make mistakes, to grow, to bounce back from failure, to be kind to others, how to forgive themselves...to forgive others...how to live - really, truly live...and think....and breathe...and play....and engage in the world, interact with it.  Get to know it.  LOVE it. Laugh in it.  Cry in it. Pursue every passion as if their/our lives depended on it (because I believe it does). Show the little ones how to follow their curiousity and to not accept mediocrity even if it seems like the noble path.  It isn't. Teach them not to judge. By not judging. Teach them acceptance. By accepting.  Teach them tolerance.  By tolerating. Teach them adventure.  By adventuring.  Teach them that fear is normal, natural...not weak.  Teach them that the only way to overcome our fears, is to face them. Teach them that it's ok to break.  But also teach them how to give themselves time and space to heal. Love them. Discipline them. Listen to them.  Hug them. Correct them. Feed them and teach them to feed themselves.  As you do all of this....you'll teach yourself too.  You'll grow. You'll heal.  You'll reflect, and magnify what is most important.  Love.

Let's show strangers how to dance.  Let's teach those who have never heard music to sing.  By singing them our songs. Our songs of joy, of love, of soul wrenching sorrow, of wishes, of desire, of broken hearts...Sing them.  Sing your truth.  Sing to heal yourself.  Sing to feel.  Sing to live.

And for fucksake...let's remind each other that life isn't about political parties...it isn't about hate...it isn't about choosing sides...it isn't about outdoing someone else...it isn't about retreating into our own souls and hiding from the world...it isn't about protecting ourselves from getting hurt. 

Get hurt.  Bleed.  Feel. Love. Laugh. Cry. Yell. Scream. Lose. Fall. Soar. Be. Seriously, just fucking BE. No one else is going to do it for you.
Inspire. Dream. Love. Breathe....Lather, rinse, repeat.  <ahhhhhhh, doesn't that feel gooooood?>

Make it count. It isn't selfish. It's sanity.

...And it spreads wonder and beauty to everyone around you. There's a lot of madness out there these days...but also so much beauty. More than maybe you remember.  Whichever and whatever you or I choose to feed is what will manifest itself in our lives.  Hold yourself.  Hug yourself. Tell yourself it is all going to be ok. (It is). Love yourself. (you deserve it).Forgive yourself. (it's time)... And then step out onto the corners of the world and dance right on the edge. The view is beautiful from the edge.  Otherworldly.

I see it in you.  I know it's there. I know it's hard and that it is oh, so scary.  DO IT ANYWAY. But, don't do it for me.  Don't do it for someone else.  Don't do it unless you feel something stir and move within you when you read this...but if you do feel something...if you are moved...if stirred, then I'll share a secret with you....It is so much more beautiful and electric than you EVER imagined. And this whole living, loving, embracing your joy, forgiving yourself thing that I keep clammoring on about? (that IS what I am talking about....) well, let's just say you'll be amazed at the smile that attaches itself to your heart and the way that same smile breathes life into others...It is healing.  And you ARE worthy of it. The world is worthy of it.  We have the power to heal it.  I want to heal it.  Join me?

I'll see you there on the peaceful battlefield.
Love, people.  Just. Love.

this little blog post is a work in progress...I'm forgiving myself and allowing myself to come back and edit often...

I honor your path
I drink from your well
I bring an UNPROTECTED heart to our meeting place
I hold no cherished outcome
I will not negotiate by witholding
...

I am not subject to disappointment
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ancient druid vow of friendship

Looking for the magic answer? There is none.

....the answer is within...or, (please forgive my love of quotes once again).. as Richard from Texas said to Liz in Eat, Pray, Love..."The meditation room is within, Groceries. Decorate that."

There's no particular magic to it...but then again, it is ALL magic, if viewed with a little childlike wonder and hope.  I've honestly no desire to see it any other way.  Like a starlit swim in phosphorescent waters.  Magic is surprise, wonder, and a genuine full on love and appreciation for whatever happens.

In the immortal words of a man I wish I knew, "It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."

~Henry David Thoreau

But, really....it IS within. Everything.  All the answers you need.  All the love that you desire.  All the validation that you require.  All that you seek.  All that you've hoped for, dreamed of, wished for, agonized about....it is all within you.  You may just have to rearrange your expectations about these things.  And by rearrange, I mean - DROP them...the expectations.  Go with the flow of life and the river that feeds it.  Alternately, Be the Mountain.  I am reminding myself of this daily.  Sometimes many times in the same day.  Just because you change your mindset and start seeing the world in a VASTLY different light, doesn't mean that you have all the answers or the keys to the palace, so to speak....it just means you become aware and conscious enough of your own shortcomings to own up to them with great (and sometimes alarming) regularity.  Practice makes perfect, right? Rrrrrright.

But seriously, it's true.

We are all part of the same big, beautiful universe and our energy is constantly vibrating and moving within us and reaching out to connect with others. We just live our lives with blinders on...self medicating, self flagellating, and doing all we can to avoid actually feeling and seeing and knowing and loving the things we fear embracing because of the possibility of failure or rejection. I'm here to tell you that this does not serve us.  But, you'll have to figure this out on your own.  No lesson or truth can be shoved down your throat, but a certain openness to hearing it when it comes knocking is a nice start. Wanna change your life? Open yourself up to exploration and the freedom of saying yes.

I've recently discovered a well of "yes's" within me.  This well overflows with love, beauty, desire, understanding, hope, melancholy (only sometimes), direction, truth, energy, acceptance and gratitude. Yes, gratitude and choice are constant themes with this soul. As is love. I've also discovered what Love actually is.  And what it's not.

It isn't a song.  It isn't butterflies and anticipation. It is NOT possession. It is also NOT control. It isn't a mindblowing orgasm (mind you, I'm not disrespecting the big O.  I'm a deeply reverent fan).  But it's not thunderbolts and it isn't something you prove.  It isn't a march down the aisle.  It isn't an expression.  It isn't a diamond, a trinket, a bauble, or a toy. It isn't a bargaining or manipulation tool...Nor is it codependence, judgment, responsibility, obligation, obsession, ownership, validation...It's not a cliche, it's not conditional and it is most certainly isn't a weapon. 

It is simple and it is primary. It is letting go. It is jumping off a cliff with the total trust that everything really WILL be alright. Come what may. Composed of nature, energy, giving, gratitude, reflection, peace and a certain knowing. It is filled with good intention. It is you. It is me. It is God. It is freedom. It is pure. It is magic. It is without fear. It's a hike through an unknown and unexplored canyon whose journey reveals that every ounce of your being is connected and to be regarded with awe....it is oh so preciously rare, yet is available to us in great abundance if we choose to embrace it...and above all, love is without agenda, a timeline or a list of counter-requirements...It. Is. Enough.

"Love risks everything, and asks for nothing." (Rumi)

This may or may not resonate with you. You have your truth.  I have my own.  This is mine.  And, it really IS enough.

Namaste, all you beautiful beings of light and love. With epic buckets of gratitude from me to the universe.