As I left work yesterday, I was struck by the most charming, endearing, humourously paradoxical sight I have seen in a while (and that is saying something in Kuwait - because EVERYTHING is a bit crazy here.)
I walked out towards my car at twilight, a word I really used to like until that vampire movie series took over the world...but I digress....I walked out towards my car, and on the grass, beside the sidewalk - was a man on his knees, praying. I am not certain of his religion, but I could tell it was "call to prayer" time because I could hear the Imam on the loud speaker being broadcast from the minaret...
He was the first person I have witnessed openly praying in Kuwait and lest you think I am disrespectful or sacrilegious - I'll tell you why I found it touching and funny at the same time.
You see, he was on his knees - facing in the direction of Mecca, I imagine, and had a "mat" in front of him on the ground. Only, he didn't have an actual prayer mat. But this man was not going to let that stop him. No, sir. He was kneeling in front of a color glossy advertising poster that was about 3'x2' or 2'x3' (not sure which comes first). And on that color glossy advert was a dancing bear and the English words "Sugar Bush", in the fanciest script complete with the "shadow and bold" effects, that you could imagine. I tell you I wanted to either stop and hug him or take a picture to post, but of course I just kept walking because to do ANYTHING else would have been entirely irreverent. In the end, I just thought it was lovely. He was alone. He was on his knees and he was fervently praying, even in front of a makeshift "Sugar Bush" prayer mat.
The message is obvious, but it bears repeating. It doesn't matter where you are, or what you have - it is what is in your heart that matters. This man didn't care and maybe didn't even know what the poster said. He just knew he wanted to and seemed like he needed to, pray.
I wish you all the same carefree ability to speak your heart, show your passion, and throw your truly unnecessary worries about what anyone else thinks out the window when it comes to your own need to express through prayer, painting, sculpture, writing, dancing, cloud dreaming, or loving. Define yourself.
Soul spelunker...life coach in training...a woman in love with the whole wide world .
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
sure wish I knew what the universe was saying to me...
sometimes I feel like I am just watching other people live their lives and not really participating in mine...I wonder why that is. It has always been so. I have long felt like an outsider peeking in the window of the lives of everyone else in the world while fading into the background of my own unnoticed.
People brush past me with their friendship, dreams, hopes, fears, love, kinship, hate, envy, agendas, olive branches, ulterior motives, curiousity, desire to conquer, to outsmart me, to learn from me, to give to me, to take from me....and at the end of the day, I'm still left feeling like a stranger, somewhat less than, like someone's disappointment.....but I don't know whose. My own, I suppose. That is where all feelings come from anyway. From within. You can't pin them on someone else. Can't blame your childhood. Can't blame the economy. Can't blame the weather. Can't blame God or war or oil spills or politics. It all comes down to oneself. And in my case, myself.
I think ultimately this is why I feel comfortable, useful and even successful in roles where I can work very hard, make things happen, do some sort of service and then walk away off the grid when all is said and done. I think childhood did train me or stamp this "learned behavior" onto my person. Still not blaming the childhood, mind you, just observing how my early training taught me to sort of stand outside of everything else. I think the lesson that is so deeply ingrained in me is that if I stand just outside of everything without ever getting too close, then I can't get hurt and can't hurt anyone else.
Except we all know the opposite is true, right? Right.
I'm one of the luckiest people I know. I have some of the most amazing people in my life that I would give my life for in an instant, anytime. I found people later in life that I truly belong to and they belong to me. My family in Williamsburg. My Kate, my Letty, my Holly, my Adam, my Rick, my Christine, Kevin, Chad. And the gift of my amazing nieces and nephews...Abby, Jake, Cooper, Anabelle, JJ, Izzy, Maddie, Ashton, Jordan. Yes, you are all my children, my nieces, my nephews, my young friends, all wrapped up into your wondrous selves. Do you even know the beauty and joy and sense of belonging and acceptance you have brought to my life? I am humbled by it...and love you from the core.
And the incredible friends I have made over the years who remain close to this day, no matter the distance - Kimba, Georgy, Jake, Kimberly, Rebecca, Brent, Ann Marie, Tim, Drarell, Jason, Kimberly, JT, Jodie, and Jim. I've accomplished everything I ever set out to accomplish and imagine I will continue to do so.
Then my undoing, the gnawing and nagging, ever present feeling I carry with me no matter where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, is that of being unworthy. Unworthy. Such an unholy word. Unworthy. Who among us is unworthy? Noone. Seriously....NOONE. Certainly not me. I know that and I recognize that and it pains me to realize that regardless of logic and reason and "knowing better", that the feeling follows me everywhere I go.
My mother taught me that I was unworthy. She taught me very well every day that I lived with her that I was not good enough, not lovable, not trustable, that I was a burden, and that I did not deserve anything good from life. Growing up was lonely. Very. I am not angry about it anymore. I have let that go. I recognize that she hated herself and she projected that onto me. So, maybe with some thought and some love and some meditation and prayer - the universe will help me to let it all go. It has held me back for too long.
Letting go is a big deal for me these days and has become somewhat of a mantra. Let go. Be free. Reinvent. Follow your curiousity and your gut and your passion. If not now, when? Who is in charge of my life and my destiny? I am! I guess it is about time I got to it.
Love. Human touch. Kindness. Compassion. Camaraderie. Kinship. Family. The laughter of children and the lessons that are still there to be learned every single minute. This, I live for. Along with an unquenchable desire to help, to do, to discover, to learn, to contribute - in some small way. I'm all in.
People brush past me with their friendship, dreams, hopes, fears, love, kinship, hate, envy, agendas, olive branches, ulterior motives, curiousity, desire to conquer, to outsmart me, to learn from me, to give to me, to take from me....and at the end of the day, I'm still left feeling like a stranger, somewhat less than, like someone's disappointment.....but I don't know whose. My own, I suppose. That is where all feelings come from anyway. From within. You can't pin them on someone else. Can't blame your childhood. Can't blame the economy. Can't blame the weather. Can't blame God or war or oil spills or politics. It all comes down to oneself. And in my case, myself.
I think ultimately this is why I feel comfortable, useful and even successful in roles where I can work very hard, make things happen, do some sort of service and then walk away off the grid when all is said and done. I think childhood did train me or stamp this "learned behavior" onto my person. Still not blaming the childhood, mind you, just observing how my early training taught me to sort of stand outside of everything else. I think the lesson that is so deeply ingrained in me is that if I stand just outside of everything without ever getting too close, then I can't get hurt and can't hurt anyone else.
Except we all know the opposite is true, right? Right.
I'm one of the luckiest people I know. I have some of the most amazing people in my life that I would give my life for in an instant, anytime. I found people later in life that I truly belong to and they belong to me. My family in Williamsburg. My Kate, my Letty, my Holly, my Adam, my Rick, my Christine, Kevin, Chad. And the gift of my amazing nieces and nephews...Abby, Jake, Cooper, Anabelle, JJ, Izzy, Maddie, Ashton, Jordan. Yes, you are all my children, my nieces, my nephews, my young friends, all wrapped up into your wondrous selves. Do you even know the beauty and joy and sense of belonging and acceptance you have brought to my life? I am humbled by it...and love you from the core.
And the incredible friends I have made over the years who remain close to this day, no matter the distance - Kimba, Georgy, Jake, Kimberly, Rebecca, Brent, Ann Marie, Tim, Drarell, Jason, Kimberly, JT, Jodie, and Jim. I've accomplished everything I ever set out to accomplish and imagine I will continue to do so.
Then my undoing, the gnawing and nagging, ever present feeling I carry with me no matter where I am, what I am doing, who I am with, is that of being unworthy. Unworthy. Such an unholy word. Unworthy. Who among us is unworthy? Noone. Seriously....NOONE. Certainly not me. I know that and I recognize that and it pains me to realize that regardless of logic and reason and "knowing better", that the feeling follows me everywhere I go.
My mother taught me that I was unworthy. She taught me very well every day that I lived with her that I was not good enough, not lovable, not trustable, that I was a burden, and that I did not deserve anything good from life. Growing up was lonely. Very. I am not angry about it anymore. I have let that go. I recognize that she hated herself and she projected that onto me. So, maybe with some thought and some love and some meditation and prayer - the universe will help me to let it all go. It has held me back for too long.
Letting go is a big deal for me these days and has become somewhat of a mantra. Let go. Be free. Reinvent. Follow your curiousity and your gut and your passion. If not now, when? Who is in charge of my life and my destiny? I am! I guess it is about time I got to it.
Love. Human touch. Kindness. Compassion. Camaraderie. Kinship. Family. The laughter of children and the lessons that are still there to be learned every single minute. This, I live for. Along with an unquenchable desire to help, to do, to discover, to learn, to contribute - in some small way. I'm all in.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Eid is upon us, and not a moment too soon!!
So, almost 30 days of Ramadan and it will finally draw to an end when the crescent moon remnants have finally disappeared into the universe. The new moon marks the end of Ramadan just as the first crescent of the waxing moon marked its beginning in early August. The end of Ramadan is known as Eid.
It has been an interesting time to observe and almost get a feel for what it is all about, but then again not really. To the American in me, it has been a hindrance. I have been unable to chew gum in public and I could most certainly not drink anything or eat anything in public from sunrise to sunset every day. This meant reminding myself to throw out my gum every time I leave a building. (I chew gum often as I have this "thing" about having bad breath. I just don't like it and find it awfully offensive in others. I don't want to subject anyone else to mine if I can help it. ) BUT, to the spiritualist in me, it has been a bit of a disappointment. Disappointing because I haven't seen any overwhelming evidence of an increased spiritual energy hovering above the country, just some cranky, hungry folks waiting for sundown. But then again, I am not hanging out at night with the Kuwaiti's, so I am clearly not in a position to judge.
The calls to prayer still come all day and night long every day. And I have to say, I really enjoy hearing it when it does happen. I have not yet seen anyone respond to it by way of dropping to their knees, facing mecca and praying as I understand is the custom. Maybe I just haven't been in the more religious sides of town? I am not sure. I do know that the mosques are BEAUTIFUL and varied and have a poetry to them that I wish I could share through personal photographs, but it is illegal to take pictures of them, and believe me, in these parts, when you hear the word "illegal", you just don't do it. Whatever it is. I don't care what the sentence is. I don't want to know. They say it is illegal. I do not participate. But, with the magic of Google Images, I think I can swing a little something in the photograph world....
This beauty is right down the street from me and I pass it regularly on my "sweat walks". It's called "the Bee Mosque" as it resembles a beehive. Sadly, the bottom of it is covered with graffiti, of all things. I can only hope they sandblast that away soon, beause it is such a detractor.
While we're at it, and also courtesy or Google Images, this is the Fatma Mosque in Kuwait day and night versions.... lovely. In a lit up, jello mold kind of way....
So anyway, back to Eid, or Eid-ul-Fitr...Eid is an Arabic word meaning "festivity", while Fiṭr means "to purify"; and so the holiday symbolizes the purification after completing the fasting month which is after the end of the Islamic month of Ramadan, on the first day of Shawwal. I don't have any idea what Shawwal is. I can only assume it means the first day of the last day of Ramadan~ or something to that effect.
After a month of "absolutely no eating or drinking during the sunshine hours, only to turn into ravenous, crazed, hungered beings who, at the exact moment of sunset, start a pig-out session to rival the ancient Romans", they will now have a breaking of the fast day which is usually started very early with a shower, the wearing of new clothes, the applying of perfume and a small breakfast with something sweet (usually dates). Then they go to prayer. Eid prayer can be something to see, I am told - but doubt I will see it as I will most likely be at work already.
Eid prayer is often performed in congregation in open areas like fields, squares etc or at mosques. The Eid prayer is followed by the khutbah (sermon) and then a supplication (dua) asking for forgiveness, mercy and help for all living beings across the world. The khutbah also instructs Muslims as to the performance of rituals of Eid, such as the zakat (giving alms to the poor). Listening to the khutbah of Eid is necessary (wajib) While this goes on, it is haraam (customary) to talk, walk about or offer prayer. It is then customary to embrace the persons sitting on either side of oneself, whilst greeting them. After the prayers, people visit their relatives, friends and acquaintances. Hmmm, does this sound like any other religions we Westerners are more familiar with? Nope, they are not all suicide bombers on a mission of death and destruction. In fact, the vast majority are good, Allah-fearing and respecting people who believe in doing good and in tolerance.
I hope we all remember to remember there are bad people everywhere. Bad christians, bad muslims, bad jewish folks, bad whites, bad blacks, bad asians, bad latinos, bad republicans, bad democrats, bad men, bad women, bad priests, bad managers, bad drivers, bad singers, bad accountants, bad swimmers, bad husbands, bad wives...etc etc etc until oblivion. You get the point.
The beauty of this world is in finding and getting to know and experience the "good" representation of all of these. And there are SO many good. Our tender, scared human souls tend to latch on to the negative and the fear-inspiring darkest examples of our brethren and then lump them together into tidy little negative packages with labels that make us feel better about ourselves and then justified when we lash out or stereotype.
YEARS ago, I wrote a thesis in college on achieving PEACE through tourism, education, open mindedness and world travel. How simple that paper (and I) appeared back then. But the concept, and the belief that it is an irrefutable truth (at least to me) is something I carry with me to this day and will fight for till the day I die.
It has been an interesting time to observe and almost get a feel for what it is all about, but then again not really. To the American in me, it has been a hindrance. I have been unable to chew gum in public and I could most certainly not drink anything or eat anything in public from sunrise to sunset every day. This meant reminding myself to throw out my gum every time I leave a building. (I chew gum often as I have this "thing" about having bad breath. I just don't like it and find it awfully offensive in others. I don't want to subject anyone else to mine if I can help it. ) BUT, to the spiritualist in me, it has been a bit of a disappointment. Disappointing because I haven't seen any overwhelming evidence of an increased spiritual energy hovering above the country, just some cranky, hungry folks waiting for sundown. But then again, I am not hanging out at night with the Kuwaiti's, so I am clearly not in a position to judge.
The calls to prayer still come all day and night long every day. And I have to say, I really enjoy hearing it when it does happen. I have not yet seen anyone respond to it by way of dropping to their knees, facing mecca and praying as I understand is the custom. Maybe I just haven't been in the more religious sides of town? I am not sure. I do know that the mosques are BEAUTIFUL and varied and have a poetry to them that I wish I could share through personal photographs, but it is illegal to take pictures of them, and believe me, in these parts, when you hear the word "illegal", you just don't do it. Whatever it is. I don't care what the sentence is. I don't want to know. They say it is illegal. I do not participate. But, with the magic of Google Images, I think I can swing a little something in the photograph world....
So anyway, back to Eid, or Eid-ul-Fitr...Eid is an Arabic word meaning "festivity", while Fiṭr means "to purify"; and so the holiday symbolizes the purification after completing the fasting month which is after the end of the Islamic month of Ramadan, on the first day of Shawwal. I don't have any idea what Shawwal is. I can only assume it means the first day of the last day of Ramadan~ or something to that effect.
After a month of "absolutely no eating or drinking during the sunshine hours, only to turn into ravenous, crazed, hungered beings who, at the exact moment of sunset, start a pig-out session to rival the ancient Romans", they will now have a breaking of the fast day which is usually started very early with a shower, the wearing of new clothes, the applying of perfume and a small breakfast with something sweet (usually dates). Then they go to prayer. Eid prayer can be something to see, I am told - but doubt I will see it as I will most likely be at work already.
Eid prayer is often performed in congregation in open areas like fields, squares etc or at mosques. The Eid prayer is followed by the khutbah (sermon) and then a supplication (dua) asking for forgiveness, mercy and help for all living beings across the world. The khutbah also instructs Muslims as to the performance of rituals of Eid, such as the zakat (giving alms to the poor). Listening to the khutbah of Eid is necessary (wajib) While this goes on, it is haraam (customary) to talk, walk about or offer prayer. It is then customary to embrace the persons sitting on either side of oneself, whilst greeting them. After the prayers, people visit their relatives, friends and acquaintances. Hmmm, does this sound like any other religions we Westerners are more familiar with? Nope, they are not all suicide bombers on a mission of death and destruction. In fact, the vast majority are good, Allah-fearing and respecting people who believe in doing good and in tolerance.
I hope we all remember to remember there are bad people everywhere. Bad christians, bad muslims, bad jewish folks, bad whites, bad blacks, bad asians, bad latinos, bad republicans, bad democrats, bad men, bad women, bad priests, bad managers, bad drivers, bad singers, bad accountants, bad swimmers, bad husbands, bad wives...etc etc etc until oblivion. You get the point.
The beauty of this world is in finding and getting to know and experience the "good" representation of all of these. And there are SO many good. Our tender, scared human souls tend to latch on to the negative and the fear-inspiring darkest examples of our brethren and then lump them together into tidy little negative packages with labels that make us feel better about ourselves and then justified when we lash out or stereotype.
YEARS ago, I wrote a thesis in college on achieving PEACE through tourism, education, open mindedness and world travel. How simple that paper (and I) appeared back then. But the concept, and the belief that it is an irrefutable truth (at least to me) is something I carry with me to this day and will fight for till the day I die.
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