Go ask Alice...about SHISHA~

So, first of all, shisha is not some really delicious and exotic arabic tapas or hors d'oeuvre as I first imagined when I kept reading about it and hearing about it.  No, no, no.  My misunderstanding is understandable considering shisha is found in "shisha cafes" which are considered social hangouts, serving the purpose of the good old American bar or nightclub.  For those of you already in the "know" - laugh freely....for those of you who are like me, then please read on. 

I learned exactly what shisha was/is last night when I went to this little shisha cafe in an awesome little town called Fintas with a new friend.   Fintas is shiny and pretty at night and is down by the southern oilfields.  They even have a pretty awesome water show with their water fountains reminiscent of The Bellagio in Vegas.  And shisha, for all intents and purposes is a really lovely, intricate and apparently incredibly common middle eastern bong.  This ain't Amsterdam, though, so they are not serving anything illegal in the shisha water pipe.  This interesting "cocktail" is for sale in many flavors, cherry, apple, grape, strawberry, etc. and contain supposedly small amounts of tobacco, the flavoring and it is all transported quite elegantly through a rather ornate hookah.  Just like the Caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland used.  Just like many college kids likely use for their less than legal substances to this date. 

But the shisha cafe is really quite marvelous.  I saw men, women, businessmen, Americans, Germans, British, Kuwaiti, Filipino, and my companion was 1/2 Mexican and 1/2 Native American.  More on him later.  One lovely woman had pulled out her large sketch pad and water color pencils and was sketching away.  Another was alone with her shisha pipe and laptop and was chatting on Facebook with friends.  Everyone - except me, and literally I was the only one without, had their own personal hookah with a clean plastic wrapped filter that was attached for you once it was time to smoke.  The "waiters" would come around and prepare the pipe for the patrons.  They had an elaborate system of setting up the pipe and then had a small portable stand that had a reservoir for the red hot coals that fuel the shisha/water mix.  The whole place smelled quite pleasant and was oddly not smoky or hazy.  The shisha smoke itself, when exhaled by the smoker, was white and dispersed quickly.  I did start to get a very dry throat and dry eyes as the night wore on, even though I wasn't smoking.  There was no horrible smell on my clothes when I left, just a faint hint of cherries in my hair. 

Quick history lesson:  Many of the various names of the hookah are of Indian, Turkish, Uzbek, Persian or Arab origin. "Narghile" is from the Persian word nārgil, or "coconut", and in Sanksrit nārikera, since the original nargile came from India and was made out of coconut shells. "Shisha" is from the Persian word shishe, or "glass" (this is the correct literal translation, not bottle). "Hashishe" is also an Arabic word for grass, which may have been another way of saying tobacco. Hookah may stem from Arabic uqqa, meaning small box, pot, or jar. Both names refer to the original methods of constructing the smoke/water chamber part of the hookah.

So, since there is no alcohol allowed around here, this seems to be where people go for socializing in public.  Many shisha cafes are outdoors as well as indoors affording people watching or if located along the Persian Gulf, allow for a beautiful view while you smoke, socialize and perhaps have your coffee.  Men and women alike do it here, although I read an article today that Gaza has banned it for women and several other nations nearby are doing the same.  They say it is unseemly for a woman to do this in public and that it will cause bad marriages.  Lord love a duck. 

At any rate, I quite enjoyed the experience and the atmosphere.  As for my "companion", well that is an interesting story of another flavor.  So, first a little back story.  During my orientation here, this dark, handsome, intimidating, yet easy mannered man gave a presentation I now affectionately refer to as "Paranoia 101".  It was basically to inform us that we should be aware of the info we share with anyone here, locals, shopkeepers, cab drivers, neighbors, etc.  Additional helpful advice included "shred everything", be super aware of your surroundings, noone needs to know your business, don't let strange people in your cars, etc.... along with pleasant stories about some eastern women who ended up in the desert (not in the way that Jim Morrison went to the desert to do peyote and meet his spirit guide), rather ended up dead in the desert. Oh, and lest I forget, "how to behave in the event of your untimely abduction by the big "T"."  

So, in true "me" form, when you add this man's general overall attractiveness, to the element of danger, (he's one of those former Marines who knows all about explosives and 83 different ways to kill you without breaking a sweat)... I became intrigued.  I was also intimidated.  And for anyone who knows me personally, well, you know that there is very little that intimidates me.  Soooooo, he sort of stayed tucked in the back of my mind for a few weeks.  Then he started popping up everywhere I went, and one day I walked right into his office on accident when I was looking for a meeting.  I turned crimson, felt a little weird in my tummy and realized I was attracted to this dude.  So, as is also my fashion, I set about trying to find out his social status... (married, divorced, running a harem, etc.).  My not-so-subtle friend who is also a friend of the new object of my interest, instead of simply answering the question of whether or not the man was married, went in and told him that I was interested in him.  To my surprise, Captain Paranoia 101 indicated he was very interested as well.  The same day, he stealthily came into my office, dropped his number on my desk and told me he'd like to go to dinner and had some time this weekend and then walked away. I don't even know if I responded.  I had a mild heat flash of embarrassment and went quite distractedly back to work. 

I called him that evening and we chatted for about 45 minutes and it was a surprisingly easy conversation.  Divorced, two grown kids, normal stuff for a guy with his background and age.  (He's around 50.)  So we make plans for Friday (last night).  Fast forward....he picks me up, we drive out to Fintas amidst the Ramadan Rush (the time when all the Kuwaitis and fellow ramadanians are rushing home or out to restaurants to break their daylong fast because it is sundown....).

We grab a bite to eat, lovely hummus and fresh bread, and chicken kebabs....nice... a glass of wine would have been oh, so welcome, but that is not to be here in the land of no alcohol.  The conversation progresses and I learn the following:

• Dude is married, but has been separated for 12 years and is flying home next week to file for divorce....finally??
• Wife cheated on him. He was in the Marines and away most of their marriage.
• His grown kids do not talk to him ever because of all this...anyone else feel like something might be missing from this version of the story?
• He is soul searching, trying to figure out what he wants to be someday and believes it is to, wait for it..... be a Preacher.  Yep, this paranoia teaching, security expert trained marine with all sorts of other fancy "killer credentials" wants to be a preacher...
• Mind you, for anyone thinking I have some problem with preachers or people wishing to be one, I don't.  At all.  I just found it not to necessarily gel with the rest of the conversation. I know preachers are human and all, and have needs - but this one, on a date with moi, just didn't make sense to my brain.
• The divorce has taken this long because he doesn't want to be the "bad" guy...I smell numerous red flags at this point...
• He tells me, after talking NONSTOP for about 25 minutes about his marriage and his wife - that he is going to Dubai for a week after his trip back to the states.  In utter relief for a new topic, I latch on to this and remark how much fun that will be to have a nice relaxing bit of personal time after the trying time he is apt to have dealing with legal stuff in the states....
• He says, no, Dubai isn't going to be relaxing after all because he has a GIRLFRIEND who lives there, and she is a stewardess, and yes he said stewardess, not flight attendant.... but back to the story - he has a GIRLFRIEND who lives there that he is going to see.
• Um, anyone else wonder what the hell I AM DOING HERE?
• But, in is defense, he is going to see the girlfriend to break up with her because she is too possessive.  Calls him all the time and accuses him of cheating and such.  Really?  Hmmm.
• Now, I'm gonna get all ghetto on you folks here and if anyone is easily offended then stop reading, but I am thinking "this mother fucker is apparently accustomed to dealing with incredibly stupid women" because he is telling me this story as some sort of "come on" to me.  It is designed to impress me and I believe to engage me in a competition.  He adds in a dash of "one of the girls I work with told me that there are two people who are my secret admirers" and I have definitely jettisoned into the land of "this stopped being a date as soon as you said wife, girlfriend and kids don't speak to me" into the land of the purely human social experiment. 

I continued to enjoy the evening fascinated by the total departure from reality this guy is living in and how very interesting he thought he was, and just found it entertaining.  The "would be Pentecostal Preacher" with the wife who cheats and who cheated back in an effort to "show her" and then wanted to do what was right and is going to break up with the Dubai girlfriend and on and on and on....

Mind you, he has not YET asked me the first thing about me.  Not one thing.  Ok, so after this story, he said - so you've heard all about me, tell me about you.  Well, knowing he was about as interested in my life story as I was in sharing it, I simply said "so, what am I doing here?  You seem to have your bucket quite full to the brim with women."  He said, "I really want to get to know you." And of course that they were not the right women.  Then, after I monopolized the conversation for about twenty seconds, he told me about this list he had made about all the attributes of the right woman for him. A friend had told him this would be helpful. 

Really?? 

What, are we 14 years old here?

Ok, so - we go to the Shisha cafe and that was cool just because it was new and different and I could people watch while he told me more about him.  Consequently, did you realize that the best way to get to know someone is to talk about yourself and appear irritated if the other person says a little something about themselves when a surprising lull in the conversation occurs?  Seriously - try it.  AH-MAZ-ING. 

Two hours later......he managed to tell me I was attractive...this took me so by surprise I literally had to ask if he was referring to me.... because I was honestly unaware that he realized I was there.  Then it was time for the check...(praise Allah!) and I excused myself and went to the ladies room. 

I came back.  Dude is on the phone and doesn't put it down, doesn't look at me, doesn't stop talking for another 5 minutes.  The conversation ended the way Mackey McDonald and I used to end our conversations when we were 5th grade girlfriend and boyfriend.  "I love you, I have to go.  I will call you in a little while.  Yes I will.  I love you.  Miss you too.  I will call you when I get home.  When I get home, YES, when I get home.  I love you too"....  I MEAN, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  So, I sit politely till he gets off the phone, looks at me, lets out a deep sigh and says, "see what I mean?"  And I am like, "No, what DO you mean?"  He goes on to remark about her possessiveness and how he doesn't like it, but she's really nice and he really likes hanging out with her and stuff, but come on..... He is still somehow of the opinion that I am finding this charming. 

You might wonder why I didn't read this guy the riot act.  You may know me to be a different person.  You may know the woman who would take this opportunity to tell this hot-mess exactly what a poor first date, inconsiderate, self-important, ridiculous excuse for a grown up that he is.  Well, I don't know her anymore.  I remember her....she still sits on my shoulder, but this is where my peaceful present thinking and being comes in these days and I just didn't see the point nor even feel the inclination.  I just continued to listen to my new psychological experiment of a date and appreciated it for its sheer entertainment value.  And it WAS entertaining. 

Cut to end of evening - drive home - more talk about relationships and such ...he brought me home, walked me to my door, at which time I gave him a great big smile, thanked him for the evening, gave him a hug, then turned around and let myself in my apartment.

The moral of this story? Sometimes, it is best to leave things at the fantasy stage....

And shisha cafes?  Really cool and I look forward to checking them out with more compatible company soon.