Ok, so this is more than one question, it is several questions, just work with me here....
If the former set of questions describes your approach and your outlook - KUDOS and I'm glad to know you. You have evolved to a status of at least some enlightenment and are likely approaching life in a glass is way full kind of way and are probably generally pretty happy. That in and of itself is your reward. Karma will be kind to you as well. That's how this stuff works.
However, if the latter set of questions is more representative of you, then I have to say "STOP". Right now. Not just for the people you are causing completely unnecessary pain to, but for yourself. The negative energy and efforts you are flinging into the atmosphere are toxic and are mucking it up for the rest of us. And for you. You can choose the good wolf, instead of the bad, You. And only YOU, are responsible for what you do, say, how you react, what good or harm you put into the world. I repeat. ONLY YOU.
Let's say, hypothetically of course, you had a relationship that you thought was the "be all, end all" and that you were going to ride off into the sunset together and, as it turns out, this did not happen. Anyone ever go through that? Yeah? Um, yes, of course you have. We all have.
So, is the right approach to this pretty common human relationship dynamic occurence that just happens to be part of life and growing and figuring out your path, to seek to malign, harm, publicly (or covertly) disembowel this person who no longer returns your affections? Should you also then seek to find other people who may have been involved with your estranged lover and try to befriend them under the guise of let's say "sisterhood" or "brotherhood"? And then should you point out all your commonalities as you try to build repoire and trust with this person (that you don't know, by the way) and then start chiseling away at their current relationship with your ex and play with their emotions with a conspiratorial, "Hey... this person did me wrong, and is doing you wrong, let me tell you how awful he is and then let's bring him down" kind of mantra? All the while showering compliments and affection and "you're so special's" mingled with a little bit of gut wrenching tidbits about your sex life, history, and leftover feelings for the object of your affection, just to sort of give a sense of kinship and what you apparently think is perspective? And to make sure the other person KNOWS that you are still involved in some way and that you have some sort of power and pull that is so strong that you just "know" even death can't pull you apart?
Really? Well, to get real simple and maybe "break it down Barney style for you" (you know, the big purple dinosaur).... you are just mean. More than a little thoughtless and self involved. And consequently kind of scary. And vindictive. And although quite clever and manipulative on a world class level, you are not doing yourself any favors. Karma will reward you also. Unfortunately with just more of the same. Because if you view the world through "I'm getting fucked over" glasses - then that is exactly what you are going to continue to see. This does not sound like fun to me. No gracias!
And this thing that you call "love" is maybe better described as obsession. Love does not seek to destroy.
Consider this. Human beings are flawed. We have made mistakes. We have been hurt. We have hurt others. We will continue to hurt and be hurt, love and be loved in return (or not). We are trying to figure out our way and our path and there is no instruction manual. Some of us are better at it than others. Sometimes we fall in love with each other. Sometimes only one of us does. Sometimes, people leave a relationship. No shit, it happens EVERY DAY. Sometimes people live happily ever after. Some do a decent job of acting like they do. And others move in separate directions for reasons of their own that may not quite be what the person they are leaving had in mind. This is called "life" and "love" and free will and is what happens whenever one is involved with another human.
What the person left behind chooses to do with that?....well that can determine so much and also says much about who he/she is. And if choosing to villainize someone who has just chosen not to be involved with you anymore while stalking someone they have current or recent involvment with is your deal, then what I have to say can best be said in quote form from Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets".... remember this one?
"go sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."
And, then, just LET IT GO. Exhale, thank the universe for the experience and the lessons, and move on. Even Tupac had extraordinary insight and wisdom on this front when he said,
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."
Yeah, I never thought I'd be quoting Tupac either. Funny how life goes sometimes.
So, the longwinded moral of this story is, accept responsibility for your actions, your reactions, your words and consider that putting out venom into the world might not be the way to go. Shit happens. Relationships end. Someone always gets the short end of the stick. Roll through it. Things don't always work out the way we hope or plan. There is no "predestination" or grand plan for what is going to happen. No one is "made for" anyone else. We gel, or we don't. We grow together, or we don't. We have chemistry, or we don't (and chemistry alone does not a forever and ever love connection make). Know that you can make the choice every minute to change your life and move in a positive or a negative direction.
Hindsight is for the weak and second guessing is a fool's tool. It will just make you feel worse and justify potentially harmful behaviors. It is your life. And it is short. Make it good. Make it happy. And if you have people in your life who are validating the victim inspired manipulative and vindictive behavior, it might be time to give them the boot. Or change your tune and see if they change theirs. Either way, I'm betting you aren't happy feeling this way and the answer is simple. Stop. Now.
Oh, and leave me out of it. I've got better things to do. That whole "hell hath no fury" thing just makes the rest of us look bad.
Like your picture attached... Life is like a pond full of lily pads and we are like frogs. Sit on one for a while, but be prepared to move to the next one (if needs be). The one you left may or may not be there upon your return, but there are many to choose from, so move on, be happy.
ReplyDeleteLife is not supposed to be complicated, we just choose to make it so :)