looks like it's gonna be an arab spring....

so much more to follow later when I am in a position to share details ( which basically means when I have details....).  But it would seem that I am returning to the middle east and camelkarma will not need a name change after all, as many suggested  (and I never really entertained).

The basics....if anyone is actually reading....I am going to Abu Dhabi...for a three year (at least) gig.  This time it will not be with the USG...but with a university system in the UAE. 

It should be interesting ....let's see...

ma'salaamah my friends.

so it goes and goes...

thoughts on karma, crazy, and acceptance...

OK, for anyone who regularly reads my self indulgent thoughts and drivel, I have a question for you.  Do you take responsibility for your own actions?  Do you find that you have the ability to experience things as fully and openly as possible and then if they end or change, simply accept it, thank the universe for it and then move on? If you make a mistake, can you forgive yourself?  If someone else makes a mistake, can you forgive them?  Do they need to ask or beg first, or can you just give it because it is the thing that heals you?  Or do you find yourself in the mindset of blaming others...seeking revenge...seeking to hurt....misrepresenting yourself (a la "wolf in sheep's clothing") in order to gain information or again to use to inflict hurt? 

Ok, so this is more than one question, it is several questions, just work with me here....

If the former set of questions describes your approach and your outlook - KUDOS and I'm glad to know you.  You have evolved to a status of at least some enlightenment and are likely approaching life in a glass is way full kind of way and are probably generally pretty happy.  That in and of itself is your reward. Karma will be kind to you as well.  That's how this stuff works.

However, if the latter set of questions is more representative of you, then I have to say "STOP". Right now.  Not just for the people you are causing completely unnecessary pain to, but for yourself.  The negative energy and efforts you are flinging into the atmosphere are toxic and are mucking it up for the rest of us.  And for you.  You can choose the good wolf, instead of the bad,  You.  And only YOU, are responsible for what you do, say, how you react, what good or harm you put into the world.  I repeat. ONLY YOU. 

Let's say, hypothetically of course, you had a relationship that you thought was the "be all, end all" and that you were going to ride off into the sunset together and, as it turns out, this did not happen.  Anyone ever go through that? Yeah? Um, yes, of course you have.  We all have. 

So, is the right approach to this pretty common human relationship dynamic occurence that just happens to be part of life and growing and figuring out your path, to seek to malign, harm, publicly (or covertly) disembowel this person who no longer returns your affections?  Should you also then seek to find other people who may have been involved with your estranged lover and try to befriend them under the guise of let's say "sisterhood" or "brotherhood"?  And then should you point out all your commonalities as you try to build repoire and trust with this person (that you don't know, by the way) and then start chiseling away at their current relationship with your ex and play with their emotions with a conspiratorial, "Hey... this person did me wrong, and is doing you wrong, let me tell you how awful he is and then let's bring him down" kind of mantra?  All the while showering compliments and affection and "you're so special's" mingled with a little bit of gut wrenching tidbits about your sex life, history, and leftover feelings for the object of your affection, just to sort of give a sense of kinship and what you apparently think is perspective? And to make sure the other person KNOWS that you are still involved in some way and that you have some sort of power and pull that is so strong that you just "know" even death can't pull you apart?

Really?  Well, to get real simple and maybe "break it down Barney style for you" (you know, the big purple dinosaur).... you are just mean. More than a little thoughtless and self involved.  And consequently kind of scary. And vindictive. And although quite clever and manipulative on a world class level, you are not doing yourself any favors.  Karma will reward you also.  Unfortunately with just more of the same.  Because if you view the world through "I'm getting fucked over" glasses - then that is exactly what you are going to continue to see.  This does not sound like fun to me. No gracias!

And this thing that you call "love" is maybe better described as obsession.  Love does not seek to destroy.

Consider this. Human beings are flawed.  We have made mistakes.  We have been hurt.  We have hurt others. We will continue to hurt and be hurt, love and be loved in return (or not).  We are trying to figure out our way and our path and there is no instruction manual. Some of us are better at it than others.  Sometimes we fall in love with each other.  Sometimes only one of us does.  Sometimes, people leave a relationship.  No shit, it happens EVERY DAY.  Sometimes people live happily ever after.  Some do a decent job of acting like they do.   And others move in separate directions for reasons of their own that may not quite be what the person they are leaving had in mind.  This is called "life" and "love" and free will and is what happens whenever one is involved with another human.

What the person left behind chooses to do with that?....well that can determine so much and also says much about who he/she is.  And if choosing to villainize someone who has just chosen not to be involved with you anymore while stalking someone they have current or recent involvment with is your deal, then what I have to say can best be said in quote form from Jack Nicholson in "As Good As It Gets".... remember this one?

"go sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

And, then, just LET IT GO.  Exhale, thank the universe for the experience and the lessons, and move on. Even Tupac had extraordinary insight and wisdom on this front when he said,

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on."

Yeah, I never thought I'd be quoting Tupac either. Funny how life goes sometimes.
So, the longwinded moral of this story is, accept responsibility for your actions, your reactions, your words and consider that putting out venom into the world might not be the way to go.  Shit happens.  Relationships end.  Someone always gets the short end of the stick.  Roll through it. Things don't always work out the way we hope or plan.  There is no "predestination" or grand plan for what is going to happen.  No one is "made for" anyone else.  We gel, or we don't.  We grow together, or we don't.  We have chemistry, or we don't (and chemistry alone does not a forever and ever love connection make). Know that you can make the choice every minute to change your life and move in a positive or a negative direction. 

Hindsight is for the weak and second guessing is a fool's tool.  It will just make you feel worse and justify potentially harmful behaviors. It is your life.  And it is short. Make it good. Make it happy.  And if you have people in your life who are validating the victim inspired manipulative and vindictive behavior, it might be time to give them the boot. Or change your tune and see if they change theirs.  Either way, I'm betting you aren't happy feeling this way and the answer is simple.  Stop. Now. 

Oh, and leave me out of it. I've got better things to do. That whole "hell hath no fury" thing just makes the rest of us look bad.

To know what you believe is freedom...and freedom is primary

I believe in you.
I believe in me.

I believe the world is a beautiful place.
I believe that exercise and sweating are good for the mind, body and soul.
I believe in freedom, in liberty, in peace.
I believe in personal responsibility.

I believe in friends.
I believe in family, biological or chosen.

I believe in walking away from bad, negative, toxic relationships -no matter what the relationship.

I believe in good. Doing good. Being good. Choosing good. Seeing the good. Good.

I believe nearly everything we do and that happens to us is a choice, with the exception of sexual orientation, skin color, genetic makeup and to which parents you are born.  Perhaps some others.  But mostly, you have more power to choose than you may wish to accept responsibility for.  It's your life - why not make some positive choices?

I believe heterosexuals are born to love the opposite sex and that homosexuals are born to love the same gender. This is not a choice. (and yes, history has shown us there are a few individuals who have "chosen" more as a message than just being who they are, but those aren't the people I am referring to...I refer to "most" of us.  I didn't choose to be heterosexual, yet, I only dig dudes in the sexual department. )  And I believe that ALL are human beings.  And that being human is the only thing that matters. (and treating one another as such)

On that note, I believe in human rights. That means the rights for every human being to be treated like a human being. Regardless of color, religion, sexual orientation, political viewpoint, handicap, economic situation, health, gender, country of origin, social status, career field, level of fitness, perceived attractiveness.

I also believe humans may forfeit that right if their actions violate the safety, well-being, and life-force of other humans.  In the end we are animals, and being human, like everything else, is a choice.

I believe in reserving judgment and allowing empathy and compassion to guide your voice and your actions.
Along with logic and reason...

I believe in having a backbone.
I believe in standing up for what you believe.
I believe in and support gay marriage, as I believe in equal and human rights. That's right, for ALL human beings.

I believe in religious freedom.
I believe in respect.
And I believe that in order to get it, you must give it and mean it.

I believe it is completely natural and healthy to disagree with other people (as long as this is not your daily modus operandi and sole way of interacting with others).

I also believe there is a way to effectively and respectfully disagree and that this distinction can make ALL the difference.

I believe in love.
I do not believe I am altogether sure what love is or means. I am learning.

I believe marriage is for people who want to have babies, and for anyone who simply wants to be married for their own reasons regardless of their gender, orientation, religious or racial affiliations.
I do not know that it is for me.

I believe in truth. Even when it's difficult, especially when it is difficult, because nothing can cause destruction so complete as when dishonesty and mistrust are introduced.

I believe in finding my own rhythm.
I believe in the nonconventional.
I believe in magic.
I believe in monogamy.
I am not sure this is the real natural order of the human animal. 
I believe in it nonetheless.  Maybe it is more appropriate to say "I hope for it".

I believe religion is not only the opiate of the masses, it is the cyanide (Tom Robbins).
I believe in taking care of the earth and our resources.

I believe political parties are bullshit.
All of them.

I believe in beauty. Art. Music. Nature. Animals. Poetry. Literature. Warm breezes. Ocean waves. Mountainous splendor. Desert moons. Kindness. Children's laughter. Appreciation.  Love.

I believe we should all cook more and share wine and conversation and turn the damn reality tv shows off.
I believe we should really try to connect with each other instead of holding each other at arms length or judging. Or holding back for fear of judgment.

I believe that good wine is the nectar of the gods, sunlight held together by water, a work of pure art.

I believe in learning and growing from our mistakes.

I believe in helping others.

Life is beautiful. Death sucks. Them's the breaks. It's going to happen. Celebrate life. But let the dead take care of themselves. You'll join them soon enough. Enjoy your life.  Remember those who passed, but don't pass with them.

I believe people can change. But it takes a hell of a lot of hard work.
and Commitment. 
and Practice.

I believe the need for control will destroy us as a species and perhaps a planet.

I believe in taking deep breaths, enjoying the moment, the people, the places, and the journey we are with, in, and on.

I believe everyone should adopt the mantra "look within".

I believe in happiness.

I believe that heaven and hell are not places you "go", but that we create them for ourselves right here on earth through our choices and actions.

I believe in a universal energy that connects us all and makes us responsible to one another and should humble us and cause us to act with kindness and respect towards one another.

I believe in karma.

I do not believe in any one deity or idealogue or dogma.
I do believe if you believe in a deity, religion, faith - then that deserves my respect.
And by respect, I mean, I have no reason to belittle you because of your beliefs.
I'll gladly engage with you in a debate, but belittle you, try to discourage you, try to "convert" you?
No.  I will not. 
And I won't force a debate on you. 
But I will participate. 

And as long as your belief system does not violate the human rights of others or the safety of the planet or endorse the practice of any sort of physical, mental or emotional destruction or enslavement of others in any way, then have at it.  If it does, please reconsider. 

I especially do not believe any religion is valid that condemns the religions, lives, rights, freedoms, cultures and customs of others just because they are different.

I believe in taking chances.
I believe in leaping. Even sometimes before thinking.
(though thinking is recommended and encouraged...)
I believe in having the right to say "I was wrong".

I believe there is more than one love for all of us and if we are journeying well and learning from it, then the next love can be richer than the previous.

I believe that I am whatever I think I am.  And you are whatever you think you are.  Make it something to believe in.

I believe you can not know true love until you fully love and accept yourself. And I believe I am getting there. Mission not yet accomplished, lots of self-discovery yet to be had and experienced. Lots more lessons to learn. Lots more acceptance to practice. But getting there.

I believe in forgiveness. And that everyone (mostly) deserves a second chance. Not necessarily a third.

I believe, more and more each day, in just being me. Me.

I believe in simplicity.
I enjoy complex.
I believe even the complex is simple at its core.

I believe the world is an amazing place and that we are each out here for each other. The connectedness thing. It's true. Pantheism.  Don't know what that is?  Look it up.

I believe in commitment. To oneself. To another. To friends. To a dream. To your life. To good. To love. To healing. To seeing, hearing, tasting, touching and smelling the world with an open heart and an open mind.

I believe in you.

I believe in me.

I believe in reinvention.
I believe in discovery.
I believe in learning, evolving, growing.
I believe in insatiable curiosity.

I believe that's what this journey is all about.

I believe that when I meet people who move me on the soul level, love me for who I am, and allow me to be me without trying to possess or control me, then those people are my cosmic kin.  My tribe.

Welcome.

Hungering...

Lately... Well, for quite some time really...since well before my divorce, I have discovered I have been hungering for something...yes, hungering. It seems to be the only word that fits.

"Craving" doesn't do it justice, nor does "wanting" or "desiring"' and most certainly not "needing"...not even "driven".

But "hungering"...yes, hungering does the trick...epitomizes the feeling, the pull I feel and evokes just the right amount of recognition at the soul level when I say it. When I write it. When I utter it silently to myself. Hunger.

My life has really always been about hunger and in many cases curtailing it. Maybe putting my own needs and desires aside for someone else's - and to be honest and totally frank, to conform to society.

And that's just it!!!!! I've never conformed to society or fit the status quo...even when I WAS the status quo, it wasn't me. It didn't feel right. I didn't recognize myself. I wanted to be who YOU wanted me to be...YOU being whomever would give me the love and acceptance I craved (yes, craved fits here) as a child. And sure, that provided for some normalcy for a while...but that's boring.

I'm interested in finding out what makes people tick..what makes ME tick...and why. Why do we tick? Or why do some of us tick and some of us tock and others never quite seem to be in sync with anything? This is interesting to me.

I have a hunger, and it is insatiable. For discovery. For adventure. For exploration. For good. For love. For connection. For learning. For sharing For carving out my own niche in the world. For the extraordinary. And no, I don't mean some unattainable mountain in the sky that no one can ever reach...and I don't mean that I need to see fireworks and explosions in every situation or encounter. That's just the thing...for me, the simple, the beautiful quiet and color of the world and the people in it are enough for me. I just want to know them and to help maybe on some level. I'm not really sure how, I always wanted to join the Peace Corps. That may be the ticket. Maybe writing. Maybe recruiting. Maybe becoming that National Geographic photographer (or just pretending I am)...very large note to self...must invest in a better camera.

So to do all this, I figure I have to know what I am passionate about. That's easy for me. Truth. What's real. Heart stopping moments, things that make a difference. Sometimes it's just a burger made with truffles and foie gras (no kidding, try it. Unfucking-believable.

I'll tell you what I'm tired of though. Insincerity. Lack of follow through. Passive aggressive bullshit. Do or do not, there is no try. Say what you mean and mean what you say and realize life is no fairy tale and neither is love. Both are what you make them. And both require some nurturing and attention. Watering with intent, if you will. Remember, what you feed will grow. What you neglect will die.

Or make it more personal and give it responsibility and say " what I feed will grow...and what I neglect will die".

I'm not even sure what this blog is about, but I've been restless for several years now and part of it stems from not listening to my passion, my joie de vivre, my bliss, my "micheleness", my path...and quite frankly, it's time. Well past time.

What I know is this... I'm happiest when I am true to myself (the good, the bad and the ugly). I am happiest when I am needed, relevant, and my senses and mind are engaged. I am at peace when I know love. And present-ness. And can clear out all the clutter of noise which seems to clamor for my attention like a jilted lover.

What I don't quite yet know is how to reach this state. Is it nirvana? My nirvana, perhaps. I know, I know- "be the mountain" is the advice I would find and hear if sought. And I also know the truth and wisdom of it. But somehow, being the mountain doesn't quite mesh with my hunger. Perhaps that's my key? Finding a way to just "be" with my hunger and see where it leads me.

I'll let ya know how it works out. Thanks for the company.

A Soul in flux...

My recent return from Kuwait has cycled me through many stages of readjustment into a somewhat normal life, although it is not as normal as many would be comfortable with. And truth be told,  I haven't decided yet how comfortable it is for me, really...

I'm living a nomadic and somewhat gypsy lifestyle with the newfound freedom that I have gained since my divorce and property reassignment amongst my cherished friends. For the most part, I have to say I really do enjoy it.  I don't have children or a house or spouse to tie me to any space.  I feel as if I have been given a second life and am approaching it with reverance and openness to whatever comes and wherever my path leads me.

Since returning stateside in February, I have traveled to the Hamptons in NY, Ft. Lauderdale (twice) where I sailed and worked from a friend's sailboat, been in Connecticut twice, spent a week in Kansas City, two marvelous trips to Manhattan,  a weekend in the OBX, and a week in Rancocas, NJ (outside Philly), trained and run a half marathon, and haven't missed a beat working. 

I've caught up with friends, visited favorite restaurants, discovered new running trails, made new friends, taken up kickboxing, flirted a little, dated a little, and learned above all else that the universe seems to keep giving me the things I crave and desire.  I've learned that my chosen family in Williamsburg has saved my life in so many ways and that they are a part of me and as important to me as any blood family could ever be. 

Damn.  I am tired.

I've also realized that it is ok to say what I mean and mean what I say, and to do it without malice and from a place of love... and that there is power and freedom in releasing toxic memories and holds that others have on me.  I released my mother in this way a few months ago.  She opened the door for me to say calmly and without anger that I did not enjoy my childhood, that she had in fact not been a good mother (with the constant belittling, beatings, namecalling, bloody-nose-giving and that relationship defining moment she pulled the knife on me for letting her know the steak she was going for had spices she wouldn't like so that she would take one that was prepared especially for her.)

Yes, I realize she probably has some sort of undiagnosed disorder or psychosis, is bi-polar or manic depressive or schizophrenic or something. But that doesn't mean I have to choose to let her continue the abuse at this stage in my life. Not even in a grin and bear it kind of way.   So - I cut the ties.  Severed the cord.  Ended the relationship. 

Her response?  "I'm sorry I was such a disappointment to you.  You seemed to turn out ok."

Really? Wow.

But that's ok.  My journey, my path, my purpose, if you will, is to take care of me, and not to force some emotion or action or explanation or apology on or from someone who doesn't even realize that it is merited or that they did anything wrong.  I've said it before and it bears repeating...I'm glad she had me because I am truly in love with this great big beautiful world and the life I am able to live. That's all I really need to know at this point.

I've been letting go of other things and people as well.  It started with all my belongings before going to Kuwait and has evolved into letting go of my stepsons, and a few dreams. 

Oh, my two handsome young Skinner men, I am honored and forever grateful to have been a part of your lives for a while.  To travel and laugh and share with and just marvel at how fast you grew up.  But you aren't mine any longer.  And I held on for maybe a little longer than I should. Love is sometimes letting go, as they say.  I love you Sam.  I love you James.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wonder what you are up to and hope that you are happy and healthy and feeling loved and worthy.  You are.  So much so. 

I am learning to finally let go of my pain and anger about my divorce.  Though there is nothing, truly, that would ever cause me to want to be with my ex again, I find that I am mourning the death of that dream.  The dream of a life I thought was mine.  I have learned, AGAIN, that nothing is permanent.  Nothing and noone. 

Now you romantics out there will be scoffing and harumphing and saying "love is permanent"...how can you say that nothing is permanent??? 

Well, because nothing is.  I believe the love that a parent has for a child is permanent, yes. But the romantic sort of love?  No.  Not permanent.  Not in a "guaranteed, I'll love you forever no matter what" kind of way.  Because love will wither and die without tending and nurturing.  Love needs love too.  Like a garden....cliche...cliche...cliche...   So you see, I believe that love CAN be permanent, but love and permanence are not interchangeable. It is, as everything is - what you make of it.  You are what you love.  In the end the love you take is equal to the love you make...I think the Beatles said that. It rings with a universal truth. 

What we feed will grow. And what we neglect will die.


I took my job in the Middle East to heal, to learn, to grow, to adventure. And it is a safe bet to say that a lot of healing, learning, growing and adventure took place. And as one might expect, the journey through all those chapters continues. They are often like chapters within chapters...sort of "mise en abyme", which may be a gross bastardization of the French terminology and for those with such sensitivies, I do humbly apologize.

Suffice it to say my journey of healing, learning, growing and adventure is one of many attempts of moving forward, only to stumble backwards every once in a while and sometimes to fall into an inescapable mudslide for a spin. So it goes.

The universe has this way of forcing the issues back on you that you try to gently slip under the rug and feign having processed them already. Denial and avoidance are normal coping mechanisms and may work for awhile, but they are not long term effective. Not by a long shot.

So....my time in the desert is a time I am still processing. The wonderful things I saw and the wonderful people I met and became cosmic kin with...the people I was able to help...the things I was able to see and experience. I would not trade it. Not even the bad. Nothing negative happened to me, but I saw plenty that opened my eyes to what much of the world, especially those of us in the USA do not know about and are not aware of.

These are topics for another blog and that I plan to explore when I can give them proper time and focus, but include human trafficking, honor killings, domestic abuse, absolute inequality based on nationality and gender bias....things that just ARE the way they ARE in the Middle East and that forced an outspoken and opinionated champion of girl power and overall human equality to be a silent observer, because to do otherwise had consequences that were just too scary for me to consider. I'm no martyr or saint, and I figured my voice could better serve once out of immediate harm's way and at least back on my home soil.


And now the conundrum...the cosmic "mixer-upper" of the Universe has shown me a grievous error I have made for many years.  In my efforts to protect myself from my mother and my anger at her and fear of her, I have managed to isolate myself from my brothers and from my stepdad.  My brothers still live at home and haven't much interest in visiting me, so I sort of stopped being interested in visiting them.  The fact that my mother is there as well makes it easy to avoid so that I do not have to spend time with her.  And as the normal course of life would have it, it seems my stepdad, Melvin, may well be reaching the end of his life.  And the years of not giving to and feeding my relationship with him are quite sadly lost.

You may remember me talking about Melvin and the day he won my love and respect...when he stopped my mother when she held that knife at my throat. (It doesn't even make sense to me when I tell this story..).  Anyway, Melvin is pretty sick and may well have not one, not two, but three types of cancer and is likely doing more suffering than he should. 

All I can think is that he was always kind to me.  Always good.  Always gentle.  Always respectful.  He taught me to drive.  He drove me to the bustop on cold or rainy mornings and sat with me till the bus came after working till midnight the night before.  He made me breakfast.  He even took me to see Cinderella when I was a girl, because even he knew that every little girl relates to a princess story.  Cinderella was especially apropos for me. 

Melvin worked relentlessly at an $18,000 a year job to support my mother, me, and my two brothers after my mom decided not to work anymore.  He worked in the garden all day during the summers, cleaned the house, did the grocery shopping, and went to work in a textile mill at 4PM, came home a little after midnight and did it all again the next day.  He put up with screaming, belittling, complete bitchery from my mother and never was disrespectful to her in return.  He loved her.  He accepted her for who and what she was.  I have absolutely no idea why.  But he did. And now he is going to die.  Probably soon.  Of course, we all die...but I was so focused on staying out of my mothers path and wrath that I completely ignored him in the process and never really even got to know him. This makes me sad.  So, yes, I sent him a card and told him all of this recently (he isn't a phone talker) and I know he wouldn't talk in person either and she'd make it miserable for all of us.  But I missed a lot of years appreciating and loving a man who was good and kind and tried his best to be a father to me. Even though I reminded him regularly that he wasn't my dad.  Because I placed my own absentee father on a pedestal and romanticized him as some heroic figure who escaped my mother and therefore deserved all my love.  A pity. Truly. 

That was wrong.  Melvin was the hero.  The silent, steady, constant who cared for me regardless of who I was or who my father was. 

What's the moral of this hodge podge of a story?  I'm not sure.  The same as always I suppose. 

Treat your children well....make the right choices....believe in yourself....don't waste precious time or love....accept things when they don't go your way....let go when it is time...be grateful....learn from the pain....love your life anyway....and try, if you realize you are doing it, not to run or hide from what is important.  It's all a journey and we are all learning at our own pace and can really only do our best to facilitate the lessons and the journey.  Time is precious.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  It doesn't matter if they love you back or not.  Love is free.  Love is the ultimate good.  Love is the ultimate answer to any question.  Be open.

Dare to love and live and be without agenda or expectation.

Ma'salaama, my friends.  Thanks for bearing with me. I don't think this one ties together very well and it seems like there is still a lot unsaid.

"But if I write what my soul thinks, it will be visible, and the words will be its body." Helen Keller

epiphany / "duh" moment...

I just had a terribly grown up thought today and felt it needed preserving for posterity (and for me), so onto the blogosphere it goes...

Basically, it goes a little something like this....

If you haven't even defined your own parameters or "cards" yet, it is neither prudent nor wise to judge, dismiss or become angry or indignant with someone else for their cards or philosophy.  Or worse, your perception of their agenda, if they even have one.

It is never in your best interests to expect anyone to adhere to your game plan (or preconceived notion).   In fact, don't even worry yourself with what anyone else is doing.  Let people be.  If your desires intersect, beautiful.  If not, let them be.  It's a truly great gift to give yourself and to your fellow humankind.

In other words, define your cards before demanding anyone else put theirs on the table and then when you do put your cards on the table....?  Well then, make sure you know what the hell you are talking about...and make sure you mean what you think you mean and that you actually know what you want. (as opposed to some societally conditioned set of expectations or some other such nonsense.)

Because - and remember this - you're going to get what you put out into the void, even if it is confusion or an ill-defined desire.  It will just come back to you as ill-defined confusion and really, who needs more of that? You know, just be careful what energy you send out there...

I'd like to see less angst and more open and honest communication without fear of loss or admonishment.  Say what you need to say. Do what you need to do. Be what you need to be.  Feel what you need to feel....and most of all, say it, do it, be it and feel it for YOU.

....then OWN it. It's yours.  No need to attach ownership to anyone else or give them responsibility for what you want. 

And that, as they say, is all.